seems kind of irritated.
âGood for you, Cabbage. Good for you, hero.â
I keep walking toward the angel. Behind us, Gillespie is still raving to Squid about the military command structure.
âIs there something wrong with that?â I say to Marquette, and I have to admit this is the angriest Iâve been at any time in Vietnam. Even when I killed somebody, I wasnât this angry.
âNo, nothing wrong with that at all, Cabbage.â Idonât like my nickname right now. For the first time, the way heâs saying it, I donât like it at all.
âGood,â I say, and I say it strong because I feel like I accomplished something there.
âI mean, somebodyâs got to kill all those dangerous, unarmed, bound-up little prisoners for us. You keep up the good work, and weâll all sleep better.â
Controlled fury. That is what a Marine is supposed to harness. He is not supposed to lose control of his emotions because thatâs when he makes bad decisions.
I am a Marine. I am a very good Marine.
âI killed an enemy soldier.â
He laughs at me, the kind of laugh with spit in it. Thatâs not supposed to happen anymore. Iâm not in Boston anymore. I am a Marine. Theyâre not supposed to laugh like that.
âYou killed a piñata,â he says.
I have my M-16 over my shoulder, like always. Usually, it just hangs against my back and I hardly know itâs there. But now, I feel it. Now, I know itâs there. Iâm reaching behind me, feeling for it, gripping it.
âI am a US Marine,â I say. âWhich I guess is more than I can say for you.â
He laughs again. He has to stop doing that. He has to.
âYou are a US joke,â he says.
Of all the things that have happened to me, from the fright of my induction notice to the punishment of boot camp, to the shooting and the heat and the killing of the war, nothing has knocked me as sideways as I feel right this minute.
Fourth grade. Fourth grade, second time. That was when I got to know my friends, my guys, Morris and Beck and especially Ivan. They showed up like angels â tough angels â right when I needed them. These two fifth-grade idiots, Arthur and Teddy, had me on my knees. On my knees in the gutter of Moraine Street among all the stuff from my book bag. Theyâd dumped all of it out â books, pencils, an oversize eraser that I got from the science museum, and half of a tuna-and-potato-chips sandwich that I was saving for cartoons when I got home âcause there probably wasnât much else there. Only now it was stepped on.
I was praying. I was praying with my hands folded and my knees hurting from pebbles. Arthur and Teddy were forcing me to pray, because thatâs the kind of thing that made them happy and I was the kind of guy that asked for it.
Only when I prayed this time, it worked. They showed up. Like angels. And some people donât believe in that kind of stuff, but I do â or I did, from the time those guys answered my prayer. Ivan and Beck andMorris chased those jerks away and let them know I was not to be their whipping boy ever again, and that was how we came together forever.
Only they arenât here now. And I suddenly feel like Iâm on my knees on Moraine Street.
Iâm startled when I feel a quick, hard grip on my hand. I look down, where I had half swung my rifle around front without even realizing it. On my hand, on the gun, I see Gillespieâs hand. I turn to see him staring hard at me, but talking to Marquette, all as we keep walking up the beach.
âMarquette, man,â Gillespie says, âwhy donât you just do your own war your own way and leave Cabbage to do his his way. Right?â
Marquette looks sideways at Gillespie. It feels tense, but he doesnât say anything.
âHey, I can do one of those,â Squid says as we come up on Hunter, who is now admiring his sand angel. Squid throws himself