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ended. I tried to make a quick escape, but as I headed for the door, Roc’s voice stopped me cold.
    “Rainie, hold up a second.”
    I waited while the rest of the team filed past me.
    “How are you feeling?” he asked once we were alone.
    I tried to smile. Did he suspect the truth? “I’m okay. Why?”
    “Why? Damn it, Rainie, I didn’t want to get into this last night, but what the hell did you think you were doing, going out alone like that? You of all people should know the danger out there right now, especially for us. None of us know for sure if our cover has been compromised, or by who, for that matter. We have to stick together on this.”
    “I know,” I said. After all, Roc was right. “I know it was stupid, but I just needed to get out of the apartment for a while and we’d just had a huge fight, so I couldn’t come to you.”
    “So this is my fault?” he asked with the beginnings of a smile.
    “No, that’s not what I’m saying. Roc, I don’t want to fight with you. I screwed up. Let’s just leave it at that.”
    “Why are you in such a hurry to leave, Rainie? Stay with me tonight?” He took a step closer. Even though he’d made no move to touch me yet, my resolve began to crumble. Roc was waiting for me to make the next move.
    Tell him the truth , my heart pleaded. But I couldn’t. I didn’t know where I stood with Roc anymore, or even if we still might have a future together.
    I loved him. Roc was the only man I’d ever dated who treated me like his equal. He valued my opinion and often times it ended up the source of our disagreeing. But somehow, we’d always managed to work beyond those disagreements, unlike all my past boyfriends who took my five-feet-three-inch height and short blonde curls to mean I was weak and defenseless, and might need a big, strong man to tell me what to do.
    “I can’t,” I said at last before reaching out to pull him closer to me. We were equals and I loved being with Roc, but I was restless again tonight. I felt as if I were searching for something just beyond my reach.
    “Why can’t you?” he asked, stroking a strand of hair behind my ear in a gesture I would always associate with Roc.
    “Because…” I didn’t even attempt to explain. How could I? I didn’t know the answer. I simply kissed him once and pulled away.
    When I reached the door, I turned back for one last look. The hurt expression in his eyes had me wavering. It was hard to take. What was wrong with me? Roc was my husband and I loved him. What more was I looking for?
    I’d known for a long time now that Roc was just waiting for me to say the word to keep our relationship going or end it entirely, but I couldn’t say those words.
    I told myself I wasn’t ready for any major changes in my life yet. The work we did was too dangerous to get into a serious discussion about the future with him, but deep in my heart I understood these were all lies. What I really didn’t want to hear was what Roc’s answers might be, because I believed I could recite them all by heart.
    Roc wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of the job. Not even me. The Agency would always be his first love, and someday soon I was going to have to deal with this. But I wasn’t ready to tonight.
    “Rainie, don’t do anything foolish tonight. Think about what you’re doing. Do you really think last night’s incident was just a coincidence? You’re not that naïve.”
    “I’m okay, Roc. I’ll be fine. Nothing’s going to happen to me. I’ll call you in the morning, okay? Don’t worry so much.”
    “Rainie…”
    I turned back to look at him one last time, blowing him a quick kiss before I closed the door softly on our uncharted future.
    * * * *
    I got in my vehicle and drove away. I left the meeting feeling restless again, doubting everything I once believed I wanted from my life. Of course, I knew the dangers just as I realized I was behaving irresponsibly by making light of them, but I needed to exorcise