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desire.
    I needed pain to find pleasure. I wondered if I’d been afraid of this realization, if I’d secretly suspected this truth about myself but had wanted to deny it. Because to admit it would be to admit that Dylan had had an impact on my life. All I wanted to do was to seek my revenge.

Chapter 7
    Alexander / Marc:
    I’d meant my words to tease. From her expression, I gathered that I’d instead inflicted a mortal wound. Her face just went blank for a few seconds, then she shook her head wryly. “A legacy of the ex, I guess,” she said lightly.
    She wasn’t okay. I didn’t know how I knew; I just did. “Come here,” I said. I pulled her next to me and my fingers stroked her body gently. Not to arouse, just to soothe. I had no idea why I acted the way I did. She was a stranger from a bar. A woman to spend the night with, nothing more.
    No. I lied all the time. But I had never lied to myself.
    There was no way Rachel was just a woman to spend the night with. For starters, I’d never brought a woman to this house. There were too many real memories attached to this place. And I’d never yet ached to comfort a woman, to fold her into my arms and kiss her troubles away the way I did with her. I pulled her naked body into mine and ignored my aching cock. “You okay, bright star?”
    “Why do you call me that?”
    I smiled inwardly. She’d lit up the bar when she’d walked in, with her quiet self-confidence, looking like she could take on anyone and anything. She’d been fearless then; she was fearless now. Courage wasn’t never feeling afraid. Having walked into battle time and time again, I spoke from experience. Courage was staying the course despite your fear. And Rachel? I sensed she would understand exactly what I was talking about.
    “It suits you,” I said instead, matching her forced tone of lightness. Revealing my thoughts would have been too close to real honesty.
    “Kiss me again, Marc,” she replied.
    I knew what she was doing – I’d done it too many times myself. Sex as avoidance. Sex as a coping strategy. I wasn’t about to criticize her for it. She was naked next to me and my cock wanted in that soft, hot pussy so much I was in pain.
    My fingers traced a pathway down her soft curves till I found the puffy lips of her cunt, slippery and wet with desire. My face followed. I wanted to savour each and every inch of her body. She moaned as my mouth made contact and her thighs tightened around my face. “Keep those legs parted for me, Rachel,” I ordered.
    She shook her head with sweet defiance. “You are being bossy again,” she pointed out. She wriggled her body until she’d turned around, her lips just inches from my cock. I was leaking precum and I was more turned on than I’d ever been in my life at the idea of her mouth on me. “Now,” she said, her voice rich with satisfaction, “I can explore too.”
    As much as I liked oral sex, it always seemed a little one-sided to me. One partner gave pleasure, the other partner received it. But not this position. Her lips around my dick, my tongue lapping at her juices, our groans of lust mingling with each other? This was pleasure both given and received.
    Also, not to be crass about it, but she could give head like a champion. I was pretty damn well endowed. She still took me down her throat with ease, humming around my cock till I was struggling not to blow my load. I redoubled my focus on the sweet pussy in front of me, my fingers parting those lips so my tongue could feast on the treat within.
    Every moan she made sent a shockwave of arousal through me. Every twitch of the muscles in her cunt had me fisting my fingers and struggling to hold off my climax. She was wet, naked, trembling, aroused. She was a drug in my bloodstream. The pulsing in my veins.
    “Fuck,” she groaned as my tongue lapped at her clitoris. I felt her quiver around my fingers and her hips tried to pull away. I wasn’t having any of it. I intended to bring this