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us to my original attraction to the World Wide Wrestling Federation (wwwf).
    I remember that day as if it were yesterday. It was the early ’70s, I was maybe 11 at the time, and I was watching our 13 inch, black-and-white, $69 Emerson television set in our family’s guest room. There was no cable in my area yet, so we were only able to pick up a hand-ful of stations. I was flipping through the uhf channels, when I came across something that I just couldn’t take my eyes off — a grossly overweight man in a Hawaiian shirt, with a rainbow of rubber bands somehow attached to his walrus cheeks. As if that wasn’t enough, this real-life cartoon character was standing adjacent to two flashy, flamboyant, long-haired, shade-wearing blondes. The trio was Captain Lou Albano, Handsome Jimmy and Luscious Johnny — a.k.a. the Valiant Brothers. Their charm and charisma reached out and pulled me inside the television set. There was just something so exciting about this. It was new, it was fresh and it was entertainment . I knew it the first time I laid eyes on it — these guys were actors and they were 26
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    Forgiven
    good. Now please, don’t misread that last sentence — these guys no doubt were athletes, but they were, first and foremost, performers.
    The ring was their stage, and the fans their audience. The event was nothing more than a play, chock-full of compelling and titillating story lines. It was larger than life, and there was nothing else like it.
    Over the years, I became a dedicated wrestling fan — not as a mark (somebody obsessed with the wrestling business — wrestlers get highly offended when others in the business refer to them like this), but as a fan. From the moment I saw Captain Lou and the Valiants, I recognized the wrestling business for what it truly was — sports entertainment. I mean, how could anybody possibly think this sideshow was real? The business was what it was, and I enjoyed it for being just that. Back in the day, two of my all-time favorites were Chief Jay Strongbow and the “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd. The Big Cat, he was just “it.” Not only could he whoop any man, but his way with words was nothing short of brilliant. His best schtick came when he would refer to a very young Vince McMahon Jr. as “Mr. tv Announcer.” When I got into the business years later, it was both an honor and a privilege to meet all my boyhood favorites. Not only did I get to break bread with the Valiants, Captain Lou and the “Big Cat” (who had the biggest hands I’d ever seen), but I actually got to work with Chief Jay during my early days in the wwf.
    In the “What was I thinking?” category, when I was in the 7th grade, me and my friend Richie Misbach (the same kid the Fruitinator assaulted with a belt) actually used to tape up our thumbs and then load them up with pennies before we went to school. In a crowded hallway, we would then proceed to jam our thumbs into the throats of unsuspecting “opponents” in homage to our hero, Ernie Ladd. Man, was the Big Cat a great role model for a 13-year-old, or what?
    Okay, I guess there was a little mark in me after all. . . .
    Nah, I mean, I was simply a fan of the business. I attended a few live events a year and followed the product on the boob tube. To me, wrestling was one of the best forms of entertainment television had to offer.
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    Chapter 5
    THE BEST
    DAYS OF MY LIFE
    At about the age of 18 I lost touch with the wrestling business. I went away to college at Indiana State University (Evansville campus), and began to concentrate more on losing my virginity. Yes I admit it, I entered college a virgin — not that there’s anything wrong with that.
    In my junior high school years, I dated the same girl throughout the 8th and 9th grades. This was the first time I was introduced to sex. Like any kid that age, I was curious about girls and was in quite a bit of a hurry to figure the