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write to Ever for the first time.

    Dear Ever,
    I guess it kind of took me a while to sit down and write you this first letter. Sorry about that. Just getting ready for school and stuff, you know? I had my first day of school today. Ninth grade sucks so far. I know it’s the first day or whatever and first days always suck, but I just have this feeling that high school is gonna blow. I’m not in any classes with any of my friends from last year, and our lunch periods are different, too, so I’m basically starting over. The seniors are assholes, I’ll tell you that right now. I thought about trying out for the JV football team, but I’m not sure I want to even bother. I didn’t get picked on, like I wasn’t stuffed into any lockers like some nerd on TV, but they’re just arrogant, pushy, loud douchebags.  
    How was your first day? I hope it was better than mine.  
    So I’m sitting here at my desk trying to write this letter, and seriously, I’ve got nothing. Writing a letter is harder than I thought it would be. It’s not like having an actual conversation, you know? I feel like I’m talking to myself, which is dumb ’cause I don’t usually do that, but that’s what it feels like. I’m not sure what to say. Is it childish to ask you questions? I guess I’m nervous this letter is going to come across like a first grader writing a letter to Santa.  
    So yeah. I guess I’m going to end it now. Not sure what else to say at this point.  
    Except, good luck with ninth grade.  

    Sincerely,
    Caden Monroe

    I folded the letter, stuffed it into an envelope, and mailed it before I could chicken out. My second, third, and fourth days of school were slightly better than the first, but not by much. My house was almost completely silent all the time now, and I was starting to freak out. Something big was going down, either between my parents or to one of them, and they weren’t talking to me about it.  
    When I got back from school on Monday afternoon, a letter from Ever was sitting on the kitchen island. She had neat, bubbly cursive script handwriting, and each line of the front of the envelope was so straight I’d swear she’d used a ruler when she wrote the address. And the envelope itself smelled funny, like she’d sprayed it with perfume. Was that normal? I didn’t know. It smelled like Ever, though, and that was an incredible thing. I might or might not have sniffed the envelope a few times before opening it.

    Dear Caden,
    I’m so glad you actually wrote me! I was starting to think you’d forgotten. I’m glad you didn’t. I almost decided to write you first. I’m not sure why, except it seemed like you should be the one to go first. Does that make any sense? Is that too traditional? I guess maybe. I hope that doesn’t bother you.
    I’m sorry your first day of school was so bad. Mine was okay. Eden and I are in only about half of our classes together, which is fine with me. When we do too many things together all the time, I start to get a little claustrophobic. That’s not the right word, though, really. I’m not sure how to put it. It’s a twin thing. It’s not claustrophobia exactly, because that’s more about fear of small spaces. This is more about…identity? If I dress like Eden and look like Eden and talk like Eden and have all the same classes with Eden and have all the same friends as Eden, I start to feel like my identity as Ever is getting lost a little bit, like I’m just a twin, just one of a pair instead of someone totally unique and myself and not like her at all. I mean, I am like her, I suppose, in some ways. We are twins after all, and we share, like, all of our DNA and whatever. But inside our heads and stuff? We’re totally different. And I hate feeling like I’m stuck inside this twin-bubble even though I love her and couldn’t ever live without her.  
    No, it’s not weird for me to use the word “ever” in a sentence. A lot of people ask me that, so I figured I’d