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hoping that he loved her half as much as she loved him. And he would know that he loved her more.
     
    My mind kept debating on whether I should go to the apartment or not. I wanted to drive over and see if she was there. Make sure she was alive and okay. In reality, I wanted to make sure she was alone, not quite sure what I’d do if she wasn’t.
     
    But I didn’t go. My eyes were getting heavy again and I really did need to sleep. As both sides of the argument battled silently, I couldn’t help but smile. It’d been a while, but it was a familiar battle. To go to Avery, or to stay away.
     
     

Chapter 4
     
    ‘What the fuck do I wear?’ The mirror failed to answer my question and left me standing in the middle of my room, feeling like an idiot.
     
    Truth was, I wanted to just cancel the idea. I wanted to stay home, turn on a ball game, have a beer, and try and forget Avery Bradfield. Correction, I needed to try and forget Avery Bradfield. I didn’t want to forget a damn thing. That’s the part that terrified me.
     
    I couldn’t. No matter how much I told myself I needed to walk away from this, I just couldn’t. I had to keep going. I had to remember. I had to be there.
     
    I’d called her the night I’d met her. I told myself I had to. If I didn’t, she’d sit there and convince herself that I wasn’t going to call. She’d decide that it was because her friend was better. I couldn’t have that. She’d feel bad. So I’d called her because I had to. Not because I felt the need to do it. Not because I longed to talk to her. It was for her. At least that’s what I told myself when I did it.
     
    The sound of her voice when she’d realized it was me— I knew she was smiling. That made me smile. Hearing the happiness when she said hi— it made me happy. It felt right. It felt like what I needed to do. What I was born to do. The only thing I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. Yet it terrified me. Because in the end, it was also what I was most afraid of. It was the one thing I knew without a doubt I didn’t need to be doing. Because even if I said I would, I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life making her happy.
     
    Once I’d talked to her and she realized I had kept my word, I should have hung up. I had achieved my goal. I had shown her that I meant what I said. She knew that there was nothing wrong with her. I’d made her smile. That was all that I’d intended to do. It was all I needed to do. That’s what I tried to tell myself. I just wasn’t very easily convinced. Because I knew better. I might try to deny it, but I damn well knew it.
     
    In my head I knew that I could get off of the phone with her. I could go on with my life. She could smile knowing that the guy she didn’t think would call her actually did. She could live in the moment of understanding that there was something about her worth more value than she gave herself. I could leave her be. Walk away. Stop this from going any further than it already had, which was further than it ever should have. I tried to tell myself that one too.
     
    Until I heard myself ask her out. I wanted to take her somewhere fun. Do something she’d never done. Give her something she had never had. I argued with myself again, trying to convince my own mind that this was all for her. None of it was for me. I was treating her to something special. Then I would leave. That’s what I told myself.
     
    She had said that she never really dated. No one ever really asked her out. I wanted to be the one to give her that chance. I wanted her to smile because someone wanted to spend the evening with her and not her blond friend. I had methodically and strategically planned to give her a special evening just to help boost her ego and make her feel important. Yep, that’s what I kept telling myself.
     
    No, I argued. It was not that I’d asked without even thinking about the words. I wasn’t really smiling just from the sound of her voice. It had