Read For Tamara for Free Online Page B

underground. I don’t have your clearance, but there is no one to watch over me now, so I know you are likely alive. I also know you are in a structure that makes outside communication nearly impossible, especially now. In short: you are in it as I think you are alive. Plus, T. has to know her father. (I wish you were here to tell me what you wanted her to know).
    Yeah, because he would.
    T.: Have family dinner. / I never much did that / but it really is important.
    I know I should be telling you to make sure you brush your teeth. / But I trust you want your teeth. / So T., I get to be sappy.
    When you learnt screaming didn’t help / no matter who was listening.
    Half the bed is for you, / My Beautiful Idiot.
    Whenever anyone said you were never around, I usually just smiled. I wasn’t like I didn’t know that was the deal. I never understood those couples that went to the market and bought food for the dinner they had planned that night: don’t get me wrong, that sounded great, but it wasn’t for me. Time apart gives you something to talk about. Plus, you get time apart.
    But I did get a few e-mails a day, at least. Even if half were in our little code of song lyrics and fictional sounds and lord knows.
    I didn’t cry the day it happened. / I remember watching the news / then mostly went through my day.
    I still feel like I’m betraying you. / After all these years.
    There are two things I love more than myself. / And T., you are one.
    He was, is my husband. / So no, this isn’t like any other problem. / He wasn’t just anyone else.
    I need you to prep for amputation. / No, we don’t have the time or supplies. / We have to cut and run. / Now go!
    T., on that day I looked up “how to make a candle”; sadly, due to a grade school trip, I can — with wax. Everyone just wanted to scent it.
    They need to be stripped & washed. / Their car needs to be blocked off. / Thyroid meds (Potassium Iodide) & narcs. / No discussion on this one.
    I watched the explosion on tv , / heard the commentators nearly crying. / That was the first sign.
    Teaching your kid to write in numerous languages is far harder than it sounds. / We all need help.
    Who put me in charge? No one. But you are happy to take it from me. I currently run a hospital & school at the end of it all. Give it a go. / Trust me.
    I am scared. / I know I don’t tell you. / But that is pretty much my job, T.
    Yr Mum evolved such that she loves small spaces / good vantage points / sleeping at weird hours. / Love me anyway, ok?
    I reach back to you.
    I know you said Time only goes one way. And that is why I know you, if only you fix this.
    You all slink out tonight so I can / quiet, dive into the sky.
    Schrödinger’s cat: you explain it to your kid. / I have shit to do. btw That is me losing my temper. / Sorry. / I will explain, just not now.

I don’t know what happened. / But it was bad. / And it was time to fortify the house. / Always sleep with your back to the wall / with a line in sight. / No windows / shallow roof if you can. / I wanted a supply list of meds and weapons. / Secondly, I wanted someone with paint to paint a cross on the house to mark it a hospital (and help me board it up).
    T., your Dad worked all over the world. / cern , lhc , Arecibo / and a handful of National Labs where he is now. / If he ever reads this tell him, I never settled. / Not once.
    I will never be able to replace teaching you myself how to spot a satellite. / Even the Big Dipper. / Darling, know I would if I could.
    Any object that has significant mass can be a “straight edge.” / Never only depend on rulers.
    My Mother would stay up to laminate things. / I get that now. / No one should have to make a star chart from scratch.
    My Idiot, there are worse things in the world than your iq & crazy. / Pls trust me on this one.
    You were always gone. / But you were always, always coming back. / Husband of Mine: use that