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    “Amen, sister,” said the hostess who was probably old enough to have a subscription to AARP Magazine.
    Chuck returned a couple of minutes later.
    “Okay,” said the hostess, smiling. “Ready?”
    “Yes, ma’am, thank you very kindly,” answered Chuck as he and Ellie followed the hostess to their table.  
    They sat and immediately ordered their food and drinks. After chatting pleasantly about Texas, bull riding, cattle drives, boots, and of course, the weather, out of the blue, Chuck changed the subject to women and their reproductive parts. Ellie was ready to change the subject, but he kept firing away with the questions.
    Chuck scratched the side of his face. “So, you’re telling me that the uvula is not part of the vagina?”
    “The uvula is that tiny dingle ball hanging in the back of your throat. You’re thinking of the uterus. You thirsty?”
    Chuck grabbed the glass of Coke. “My mouth is dry enough to spin cotton.” He drank the entire glass and flagged down the waitress for a refill. When the second Coke came, he drained that one too. “Most women have enough tongue for ten rows of teeth, but you’re a quiet little thing.”
    Ellie smiled. “Sorry. It just looked like you had something on your mind.”
    “Well shut my mouth, you’re one smart cookie. If my mamma taught me anything, she taught me i t’s better to keep my mouth shut and look stupid than open it and prove it.”
    “Sounds like your mother was wise.”
    The waitress brought their appetizer and set it on the table. “Okay, here you go, crispy chicken strips and fries and two sides of mayo.” She smiled and grabbed Chuck’s coke glass. “Another refill?”
    “Yes, ma’am. Thank you kindly.”
    Obviously, they were not on the same page when it came to eating healthy. And how the heck did he stay so skinny eating stuff like this? She had ordered the whole-wheat pancakes with blueberries. His profile said he was a health nut. His choices today showed otherwise and she just couldn’t overlook that.  
    Strike one!  
    Ellie had difficulty keeping her eyes off the giant platter of cholesterol in front of her; it smelled so good. “Did your mother give you any other good advice?”  
    “Oh yeah. She also said to always drink upstream from the herd.”
    She laughed and grabbed her orange juice. A sense of humor was a good thing.  
    “But I’ve been beating around the bush, Ellie, and I just need to say somethin’ right here, right now. So here goes it. I like what I see, Ellie. A lot. And bottom line is … I’m gonna come clean. I mentioned in my profile that I wanted a couple of babies, but that’s hogwash.”
    Do it for the promotion. Do it for the promotion. Do it for the promotion.
    “Ellie, I wanna have … a boat load of babies.”  
    She nearly spit up her orange juice. “Excuse me?” She wiped her mouth.
    “Babies.” He skipped the fork this time, grabbing a chicken strip with his hand and taking a bite. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Six to eight babies … minimum. Ten preferably. What’s the ratio of boys to girls in your family? I’d like all boys. I could have my own personal rodeo crew!”
    Strike two!  
    She needed to amend her Three Strikes Law so she could give two strikes at the same time.
    “And it would make me happier than a gopher in soft dirt if you’d make them babies with me, Ellie. Pass the mayo please.”
    Ellie’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. She passed the mayonnaise to the gopher, who spooned some on his plate. He grabbed another chicken strip and a handful of fries, dipped them in the mayonnaise, and stuffed them in his mouth. The fries looked and smelled good, but Ellie had lost her appetite.
    He smiled, closed his eyes, and chewed. “Just like mama’s.”  
    Chuck looked like he was going to cry. At least she now knew why he’d picked IHOP. The food there must remind him of his mom’s. That’s sweet.  
    But not sweet enough.  
    It looked like this