school sweetheart?”
“I’ve never told anyone this before.” I pick at the edge of one of the cardboard boxes until it rips down the side. Finally I turn to face Tara.
“His name was Finn. He was from the neighborhood, too so he understood what it was like to be looked down on by the other kids. Not that anyone made fun of him.” I laugh aloud thinking about Finn in high school. “He was the type of guy who could make friends with anyone. He was so … perfect. That was how I always felt around him. Like how could this perfect guy fall for me ?”
Tara makes a face. “Of course he fell for you. You’re awesome.”
“I wasn’t awesome back then. I was insecure and just … so stupid. I didn’t trust in what we had and when he went into the Army, I don’t know. It was just so hard. Finn was the type of guy that women love. And he loves them back, you know? And then I met Andy and he seemed so stable and so safe. That was what I wanted more than anything. Just someone that I could trust to be there for me.”
Tara watches me as I come sit next to her on the desk. “What happened, sweetie?”
“I left him. Told him that it wasn’t going to work out. I broke his heart.”
Tara sighs. We sit just like that for a while before I work up the courage to finish. “The new client. The jerk. It’s Finn.”
“Oh boy.”
“Apparently he’s some rich big shot now and wants to torture me by making me clean and decorate his million dollar fuckpad.”
“Maybe he wants you back? He might sound like he’s angry now but he went through a lot of trouble to get you in his life again. Maybe this is his twisted way of reconnecting?”
“He just wants to rub my nose in the fact that he’s wealthy now.” I can’t even keep the self-pity out of my voice.
Tara looks stricken. Then she suddenly jumps to her feet. “You know what? He can stuff his contract. You don’t need this. We can always find a few other contracts to replace this one. We were fine before and we’ll be fine again.”
“We’re not fine. We’re barely hanging on. If we want to keep our business running and for all our employees to keep pulling paychecks, I’m going to have to take one for the team.”
Tara doesn’t look convinced. “I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to walk away. Just say the word. You’ve always supported me when I needed you and I know Daphne would say the exact same thing if she were here.”
I think about what she’s offering for only a split second before I discard the idea. Although I know that Daph and Tara would essentially bankrupt themselves to keep me away from Finn, I wouldn’t be any kind of friend if I let them do it. This is my mess. And I’ll be the one to clean it up. Literally and figuratively.
Maybe this is my chance to finally clean the slate of my past and offer heartfelt amends for my mistakes. Only then will I ever be able to move on.
“No, but thank you. I can deal with a vengeful ex for that amount of money. There’s nothing he can do that would be worse than what I did to myself.”
* * * * *
When I arrive at Finn’s place on Monday morning I’m armed with industrial strength rubber gloves and the determination not to let anything he does get to me. I used the weekend to get my head on straight and now that I know what’s going on, there’s no point in trying to make nice or ask for forgiveness. Finn needs to punish me for the way I hurt him years ago and I can’t pretend I don’t understand his desire to do so.
All I can do is grin and get through it because I need this contract even more than he needs closure.
I push the door open and the smell hits me first. As I walk past the kitchen it’s so strong that I have to cover my nose with my hand.
What the hell crawled in here and died?
I turn around and take in the rest of the apartment with growing dismay. There are clothes strewn all over the place, even on top of the television.