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as we went outside.
    “Damn. Does Disney World have anything left?” I asked Baxter as I looked around the backyard. There was a ll kinds of playground-type equipment everywhere.
    He laughed as he put Chloe down, patting her bottom as she ran off to play. “When you get to thi s point someday, you’ll understand.”
    And by the end of the night, I got it. His kids had so much energy, that if hooked up properly they could power an entire city for a month with it. Damn. But their playing on everything had eventually worn them out and Amanda and Bax had taken them inside for their baths. As I waited for them to finish, I went inside to watch Josh and his friend play video games, amazed at their skill at the damned things.
    When the kids had been put to bed, Amanda, Baxter and I went back out and sat on the patio talking.
    “So, Ellen’s in Chicago?” Amanda asked softly. She’d been looking for an opening, I could tell, and she’d gone with it when I was telling them about my hometown.
    “Yeah,” I answered wistfully.
    She sighed. “Gordon’s filled me in on all that’s happened , Jag. I understand, believe me, I do. All I can say is if she’s worth it, don’t give up.” She squeezed Baxter’s forearm and he took her hand in his, pulling it to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.
    “She’s worth it. It’s just tough being so far away.”
    “I know it is. But don’t give up. I know she’s not very receptive right now, but it’s going to take some time. Have you tried writing her? I mean, real letters not email.”
    “No, it hasn’t occurred to me.”
    “Gordon wrote some beautiful letters to me when we were apart. I know our situation was different from yours, but try it, okay? I think it just might work.”
    I looked at Bax and he blushed as he brushed his lips over Amanda’s knuckles again.
    But who was I to turn down advice from a woman who’d gone through a similar situation. I agreed to try it and she made me promise to let her know how it went. I chuckled and told her I would then we talked a bit more about this and that before I headed home.
    The silence inside my condo was deafening as I sat down at the desk and pulled out some paper to write to El. If this didn’t work, I guessed I’d just move on to the next thing that might, knowing I wouldn’t give up until I took my last breath.
     
    “Whoops! You missed El, but I’ll bet you know the drill! Leave her a message at the beep! Oh. Unless you’re the asshole in those commercials, then save your breath and hang up the phone now.”
    Wow. Rebecca had gotten hold of El’s phone and wasn’t that just the nicest voicemail message? Damn.
    “El, it’s me, the asshole Rebecca’s talking about, but please give me a call. I love you… forever and a day.” I hung up and threw my phone onto the couch so tired of the silence all around me.
    The strange thing was my sister Starr was ten years older than I am, so growing up, it almost felt like I was an only child, the age difference between us being so great. I was used to being alone, but something had been awakened in me, and I knew exactly what it was.
    Being at Baxter’s had shown me what I really wanted.
    I wanted El and me to be together so we could create a family, our kids screaming and running all over the place, chaos and craziness everywhere. I wanted us to have the house that every kid in the neighborhood wanted to come to. Hell, I didn’t even mind the thought of digging a G.I. Joe out of the toilet every week if it meant we’d be together.
    And that’s what I’d written to her hoping it might get through to her, ending the impasse we had going.
    We were off a day from playoffs, being behind in the series two games to three. If we didn’t win the next night, we’d be finished, which sucked, but I knew I’d be able to see El if that happened, which made me feel bad for even thinking that way because I seriously wanted to win, but I also wanted to see her. Catch-22 anyone?
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