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pounding on my back does nothing to relax me. I try and take a deep breath, but it feels rough and shallow.
    I need to be stopped. I'm acting like a child, pushing my boyfriend away because I'm scared.
    He's trying to help. It's not his fault I'm so incapable of expressing my feelings.
    I'm terrified to do this alone. I'm terrified to be without you for six days. And you want me to do six months? I can't do it. It's inconceivable. You're my life raft, the only thing that keeps me from drowning. I can't do this without you. I can barely function without you.
    I hate it, but I can barely function without you.
    Don't leave. Stay. Say fuck the business and stay. Or ask me to change my mind. Ask me to stay with you in Los Angeles. Please. Don't leave me here in New York alone. Don't make me try and do this alone.
    I should have put my foot down. I should have made no my final answer. Yes, I want to be in this play. And it's a great opportunity. It might be one of the best things I'll ever do.
    But it's still too hard to do it without him.
    I lean my head back, letting the water soak my hair. It's just the shower. Just a little pouring water. But what if the water never stops? What if this bathroom fills and I can't get out and I drown here?
    I shake my head. This is ridiculous. I need to calm down. This is a lot all at once, but I can do it. I can enjoy the next twenty-four hours.
    Twenty-four hours with Luke, twenty-four hours until he's gone, and I'm here all by myself.
    I repeat my mantra, a cheesy new age therapy technique. I will keep my head up and my heart open. I whisper it three times, taking a deep breath between each. It's silly, but I feel a little calmer.
    Maybe I can do this.
    I close my eyes and listen to the water pounding my neck. It's warm and hard and steady. I will keep my head up and my heart open.
    I will talk to Luke.
    I won't lock him out.
    But not now, not yet, not until I have a handle on this.
    When I open my eyes, I'm overwhelmed by the light in the room. Deep breath. Ground yourself. I am Alyssa Summers. I am in New York City, my home for the next six months.
    I can do this.
    Whatever this is.
    The door creaks open but I don't turn towards it.
    "I'm not ready to talk yet," I say.
    "I'm not interested in talking." Luke's voice is serious, low and deep.
    I bite my lip. He wants to not talk with me. God, I hope he means what I think he means.
    "You know, Ally," he says. "I almost can't decide if I want to step in the shower with you or if I want to enjoy the view."
    "There's a better view in here."
    "So there is," he says.
    My heart pounds against my chest. When did it get so damn hot in here?
    He opens the shower door, the steam escaping into the rest of the bathroom. Damn, he looks so fucking sexy. His hair is messy and his skin glistens with a faint layer of sweat. Sometimes I forget how irresistible he is. Every part of him is perfect--his round, sculpted shoulders, his strong chest, his perfectly chiseled abs.
    My breath gets heavy. I need this. I need this so fucking badly.
    And then he slides his boxers to the floor. Jesus. He's hard already.
    He steps inside the shower, shutting the glass door behind him. Fuck, he's so close and I want so badly for him to touch me.
    His expression is intense. His eyes are wide, his pupils dilated...
    "Please don't tell me you're only here for the view."
    He grabs my hips and presses me against the tile wall. His grip gets tighter, rough and gentle all at once. He moves closer, his body pressing against mine. Jesus. His skin on mine is pure electricity, and my body buzzes with need.
    He pushes me hard against the tile and brings his lips to mine. His kiss is possessive, his lips sucking on mine. I reach for him, clawing at his back, sighing into him.
    "Fuck me," I groan.
    He doesn't say anything, but he brings his lips to my ears. I press my fingers into his back. Then I feel his lips on my ears. He sucks on my earlobe, softly at first. Then harder, his teeth