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deeply.” Darcy smiled. “After which she is released and the first big breaths afterward are vital to the healing. That is what moves the blockages, those first powerful gasps.”
    “You are shitting me,” I said.
    “No, why would I? The results are well documented with research and case histories on their Web site. And I’ve seen it work wonders for Ava-Suzanne.”
    “Yeah, the Chappadick treatment by inches,” Jack whispered in a slur. “I say, heal her all at once.” Jack and I clinked drinks again.
    “Plus, I was a mess before I did it. It made me a whole new person,” Darcy added.
    I waited to see if Jack had anything to say about this. He didn’t. He was smoking, though, and in glee, I took one and lit up, flicking one wooden match of my perpetual pocket collection with my thumbnail.
    “Oh, baby, that’s cool,” Jack said. I grinned and set several more matches on the bar in case I needed them.
    I pulled on the cigarette in ecstasy. Oh, God, the sweet, hot dryness that caressed me deep inside where no woman could get. I held the smoke inside, nestled in every crevice for over a full minute. I kissed the cigarette as I wrapped my lips around it for another long drag. I could keep a straight face now, no matter what Darcy and Ava-Suzanne said. Paradoxically, my career as a jock and a coach kept me in such great shape that I was a better smoker, try though I might to quit annually. With a smile, Jack watched me smoke and offered me a sip of his shot. I took one and followed it with a long drink of beer. God, I loved things on my lips and in my mouth. Cigarettes, suckers, bottles, pens, pencils, straws, toothpicks, women. I offered my beer to Jack, who drank happily. Darcy and Ava-Suzanne were staring in distaste. I hadn’t noticed before, but under the calming influence of tobacco, I saw that Darcy was nervous and fidgety. Her lips were raw from continual licking, and her cuticles were bloody shreds. I wanted this over.
    Darcy was pinching the bridge of her nose.
    “What’s the matter, kitten?” Ava-Suzanne crooned.
    “Just a second.” Darcy pressed her temples. “I have a headache, but I’m not a headache person. There.” Darcy smiled with all her teeth as if she had done a trick. “All gone. With all I do,” she began, Ava-Suzanne and Jhoaeneyie nodding sympathetically, “all my tension goes right to my neck and shoulders. That’s where all my tension goes. Right there. I carry a load of stress because of my multitasking.”
    “Right now, she’s cleaning her oven,” Jack muttered.
    “I need to find a good massage therapist. One who will take my special requirements into consideration. And work with me on many levels and simultaneous therapies. One who is exceptional because I like it deep. But till then,” Darcy smiled wistfully, “sometimes I get a little headache and I have to treat and heal myself. Thank God for me, huh?” All three laughed and raised their glasses. I had to shut my mouth, for it had fallen open. Jack winked at me.
    “I’m hungry. Where can we go for a bite?” I asked, knowing it would end the interview.
    “I’m a vegetarian,” Ava-Suzanne said prissily.
    “Of course you are,” I said. “I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a rabbit. But you might know where is a good restaurant for all of us. Do you eat milk, eggs, and cheese?”
    “Yes.”
    On a hunch, I asked, “You eat fish and chicken too, don’t you?”
    “Yes, but not every day.” Ava-Suzanne pursed her lips and patted her short, messy, dishwater hair.
    “Mostly, I cook for her. I’m a great cook. Chicken, fish, whatever, I can do it. We should have you over some time. We’re both vegetarians, but it would be delicious. And fun.” Darcy seemed sincere. I rolled my eyes in disgust. I knew animal rights activists and true vegetarians and militant vegans and vegetarian chefs. In Los Angeles it was very common. And nobody there had the temerity to admit she ate meat while