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really thought I was vain, but now I understand that's a huge lie. Because looking at my face in the mirror this morning--my unadorned face with its squinty eyes and big red zits and fat cheeks and nothing lips--and knowing I'm not going to be able to wear makeup to fix any of that for the next seven months--well, it sort of threw me into despair.
    And my hair--what an unbelievable fright. It's one thing to have to occasionally pile it up with a scrunchy just to get by, but the fact that it's going to look like this giant bird's nest for the next seven months? Somehow that seems almost too much to sacrifice for science. It's bad enough that my fatness is out there for anyone to see. Now I can't even try to distract people with a little eyeliner and hair gel.
    All I kept thinking about was Matt. And how he was going to take one look at me and think I was even uglier than I used to be in junior high. I really almost called off the whole thing right there.
    And then there was this second moment I almost faltered, when my dad asked, "Are you sure you don't want a ride?" And I thought, Who's going to know? I could have had him just drop me off a few blocks from school and walked the rest of the way. But I would know. I want to do this whole thing honestly. And I really do want to lose weight--which means exercise is part of it.
    So even though I looked the way I did and wished I could put a bag over my head, I forced myself to leave the house. I gave myself a whole hour to get to school, but as I got closer, I saw about six empty buses gopast and knew I'd miscalculated. I had to sprint the last block and a half. I came skidding into the building, all sweaty and heaving for breath, just as the first bell rang. Great way to start the day.
    And the worst thing? I couldn't grab a Diet Coke.
    Which meant enduring AP American History with Mr. Zombie Man without a drop of caffeine in my system. TORTURE.
    And then I had the humiliation of walking into English the next period and letting Amanda and Jordan and Matt see me that way. Amanda was too nice to say anything, of course, and Jordan was busy talking to Matt and didn't even see me, but Matt looked up as I moved to my chair and I could tell he was shocked by what he saw. I kept my head down the rest of the class and just wished I were out there in the wilderness with my hominin pals, fighting off a pack of hyenas. At least that would have been easy.
Lunch: Orange, another apple, another banana, bag of sunflower seeds, box of raisins, water. That's all I could find in the cafeteria that qualified as prehistoric food. I'll need to start figuring it out the night before and pack something. NO DIET COKE. DYING FOR DIET COKE. And a cookie. How I would love a cookie.
Walked to work. Took a lot longer than I thought. Exhausted. And late.
Afternoon snack at work: Another apple (already hate apples), water, bag of salt-free almonds. NO DIET COKE. No chocolate. Torture.
    I could barely concentrate at work. I had to call around to a bunch of hospitals in the state to make sure they have enough antivenin to last for the next few months. A lot of places in Arizona stay hot until the end of October, which means rattlesnakes have a longer season here. But after about three of those calls, all I wanted to do was put my head down on my desk and go to sleep.
    "Honey, do you want a ride home?"
    I nodded. I'd told my mom earlier that I was going to walk home, but forget it. I had no strength. And it's possible I was seriously depressed. A big fat Snickers and a slice of pizza would have made everything so much better.
    So much for feeling strong and powerful and cave-woman-like. Today I would have just let the hyenas eat me.
    But tomorrow will be better. It has to be. Today it was all new. I'll get used to it. I'll learn how to feed myself, how to avoid mirrors, how to survive this project for the next seven months. I can make it work. I just have to try harder.
    Tomorrow will definitely be better.

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