she realized she had finished her beer.
“Look who’s back.” Nat fixed her eagle eye on Lisa. “Something you want to tell me?”
“Jesus, no.”
“Something I’d want you to tell me?”
She grimaced. “Totally.”
“Let’s have it.” Natalie refilled both beers.
Lisa took a deep breath. “Braden came by last night.”
“You boinked him!”
“No, but he wanted to.”
“Yes!”
“No! It’s just-- no. There’s Jake and Vance and Elena... it’s too complicated.”
“Then don’t invite Jake and Vance and Elena.”
Lisa glared at her over her mug. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” Nat said urgently. “If they’re in your head, they’re in your bed.” Then she snorted, adding, “That wasn’t supposed to rhyme.”
“It’s catchy,” she smiled. “But there’s more to it than that.” Last night, she had masturbated with both present-day Braden and young Brady in mind. Who would do that? Something was very wrong with her.
Natalie put her persuasive lawyering skills to work. “For fuck’s sake, just tell me what happened.”
Lisa told her about Braden’s visit and what he said, and Natalie listened quietly until she was done, except for one brief interjection (“Wait. You were blessed with tits like those and you’ve never flashed them? Sorry. Ignore me. Go on.”).
She finally finished talking and signaled the waitress for another round.
Natalie fanned herself. “I understand why you’re conflicted, but it’s not like your families will all be sharing a lake house again anytime soon. You’re single adults who are attracted to each other. Why not enjoy that?”
“Because I can’t enjoy it.”
“I saw the guy, Lise,” Natalie smirked. “I don’t think you’d have a choice.”
Lisa shrugged. “Wanna go bowling this weekend?”
“What? You know I hate bowling.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause I suck at it.”
“But there’s this new state-of-the-art bowling alley with a bar and light show.”
“I’m not gonna bowl any better on a nicer lane. And why’d you jump off topic?”
“I didn’t,” Lisa said firmly.
She let Natalie stare her down, while the waitress swapped their empties for a new pitcher and filled two new icy mugs.
As soon as they were alone again, Natalie pounced, “So, what am I to glean from your cryptic bowling analogy? That you think you’re bad at sex?”
Lisa cringed and looked around to be sure no one heard that, although the pub was so loud, she could hardly hear Natalie, herself. “I know I am, yeah.”
“Wild shot in the dark, here... was Vance the kind soul who clued you in on the state of things?”
“He mentioned it, but he wasn’t the only one. Even with previous boyfriends, I’ve never been able to loosen up enough.”
“How so? Are you uncomfortable vocalizing? ‘Cause you know real people don’t usually scream and moan like porn stars.”
There was no getting out of this conversation, Lisa realized with a sigh. She drained her mug and stifled a burp as Nat refilled it. “It’s more the talk happening inside my head that’s the problem.”
This was not a subject Lisa was used to discussing, but she tried to explain. Ever since the first boyfriend who got her shirt off and finagled a hand down her pants, she had always worried about how she looked, smelled, tasted. Every sexual experience was couched in embarrassment for her, so she couldn’t relax. She had no real reason to worry; body odor was never an issue for her, and when she was young her skin was firm over those excessive curves. Through the years her reasons for worrying changed with her body, but the overall effect stayed the same.
“I’m so hyperaware of myself, I can’t be spontaneous. I can’t let go.”
Natalie’s brow wrinkled. “Is that strictly with company? Or alone, too?”
Lisa felt her face redden, and she tried to stifle a grin. “Strictly with company.”
“Ah. You had a go after he left.” She tipped her mug to Lisa and took a
“Look who’s back.” Nat fixed her eagle eye on Lisa. “Something you want to tell me?”
“Jesus, no.”
“Something I’d want you to tell me?”
She grimaced. “Totally.”
“Let’s have it.” Natalie refilled both beers.
Lisa took a deep breath. “Braden came by last night.”
“You boinked him!”
“No, but he wanted to.”
“Yes!”
“No! It’s just-- no. There’s Jake and Vance and Elena... it’s too complicated.”
“Then don’t invite Jake and Vance and Elena.”
Lisa glared at her over her mug. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” Nat said urgently. “If they’re in your head, they’re in your bed.” Then she snorted, adding, “That wasn’t supposed to rhyme.”
“It’s catchy,” she smiled. “But there’s more to it than that.” Last night, she had masturbated with both present-day Braden and young Brady in mind. Who would do that? Something was very wrong with her.
Natalie put her persuasive lawyering skills to work. “For fuck’s sake, just tell me what happened.”
Lisa told her about Braden’s visit and what he said, and Natalie listened quietly until she was done, except for one brief interjection (“Wait. You were blessed with tits like those and you’ve never flashed them? Sorry. Ignore me. Go on.”).
She finally finished talking and signaled the waitress for another round.
Natalie fanned herself. “I understand why you’re conflicted, but it’s not like your families will all be sharing a lake house again anytime soon. You’re single adults who are attracted to each other. Why not enjoy that?”
“Because I can’t enjoy it.”
“I saw the guy, Lise,” Natalie smirked. “I don’t think you’d have a choice.”
Lisa shrugged. “Wanna go bowling this weekend?”
“What? You know I hate bowling.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause I suck at it.”
“But there’s this new state-of-the-art bowling alley with a bar and light show.”
“I’m not gonna bowl any better on a nicer lane. And why’d you jump off topic?”
“I didn’t,” Lisa said firmly.
She let Natalie stare her down, while the waitress swapped their empties for a new pitcher and filled two new icy mugs.
As soon as they were alone again, Natalie pounced, “So, what am I to glean from your cryptic bowling analogy? That you think you’re bad at sex?”
Lisa cringed and looked around to be sure no one heard that, although the pub was so loud, she could hardly hear Natalie, herself. “I know I am, yeah.”
“Wild shot in the dark, here... was Vance the kind soul who clued you in on the state of things?”
“He mentioned it, but he wasn’t the only one. Even with previous boyfriends, I’ve never been able to loosen up enough.”
“How so? Are you uncomfortable vocalizing? ‘Cause you know real people don’t usually scream and moan like porn stars.”
There was no getting out of this conversation, Lisa realized with a sigh. She drained her mug and stifled a burp as Nat refilled it. “It’s more the talk happening inside my head that’s the problem.”
This was not a subject Lisa was used to discussing, but she tried to explain. Ever since the first boyfriend who got her shirt off and finagled a hand down her pants, she had always worried about how she looked, smelled, tasted. Every sexual experience was couched in embarrassment for her, so she couldn’t relax. She had no real reason to worry; body odor was never an issue for her, and when she was young her skin was firm over those excessive curves. Through the years her reasons for worrying changed with her body, but the overall effect stayed the same.
“I’m so hyperaware of myself, I can’t be spontaneous. I can’t let go.”
Natalie’s brow wrinkled. “Is that strictly with company? Or alone, too?”
Lisa felt her face redden, and she tried to stifle a grin. “Strictly with company.”
“Ah. You had a go after he left.” She tipped her mug to Lisa and took a