Read Everything About Me Is Fake . . . And I'm Perfect for Free Online Page B
Authors: Janice Dickinson
you read all the fashion beauty books
and magazines that offer a thousand different tips in the name of beauty every
single month. I won’t mock them—I figure you all know by now that it’s a bunch
of bullshit, right?
Girls, you honestly don’t need to spend
millions to turn your already overcrowded bathroom counter into a shrine for
the beauty product line of the moment. When it comes to sharing the best in
beauty tips, I have it down to a science. Read on, and follow these tips if you
want to be . . . totally perfect.
For the Bod
How hard is it to keep your chassis tuned?
Ladies, it’s grueling, I know. My life has been grueling since the 1970s, and
it ain’t getting any easier. But if you break it down into a million tiny jobs
along the way, you might find it easier to cope with what you have to do to
stay in control. You’ve
E V E R Y T H I N G A B O U T M E I S F A K
E . . . A N D I ’ M P E R F E C T
211
got to tell yourself what to do. Hit the gym
five or six times a week. (Get over it!) Eat all the greens on your plate. (Don’t
make that face. I mean all of them, young lady!)
And you’ve got to remember what’s at stake
if you don’t. I’m a waistlineis-half-full kind of gal. You can call me pessimistic
if you want. But you’ll never call me fat.
It’s all about what you do with your
body—what you put into it, and what you do with all the energy that’s waiting
to get out of it. People often ask me: “What do you eat now, Janice?” Here we
go: I start the day with an egg-white omelet. It’s a great shot of protein that
keeps you feeling full. A little bowl of oatmeal is fine, too—the plain
oldfashioned kind, not Maple & Two Tons of Brown Sugar. You must eat
breakfast. It gives you the energy you need to get the day rolling. For lunch,
I eat anything that flies, swims, or crawls. And I never have bread with it.
For a snack during the day, I eat plain celery. Why? I work really hard on my
body, and I don’t want to blow it. I’ll also have a small handful of almonds if
I’m hungry between meals. I don’t mean the whole can, although I do believe it’s
important to pig out once a week on good stuff that you love. Yesterday, for
example, I had a few cookies. Today, I won’t. The key is not to abandon your
self-control every single day. You can’t go wrong with salmon. Grilled,
poached, or chilled, it’s great for your body. I eat it once or twice a week.
It’s good for your brain cells, too—the ones you have left, anyway.
Power Bars, or energy bars, are better than eating
a sandwich for lunch, but you can’t snack on them relentlessly, thinking that
you’re doing your bod a favor. They’re packed with calories.
I have a huge sweet tooth, and since I
stopped smoking it’s gotten worse. Giving up alcohol made it even more
difficult because alcohol has a ton of sugar. (Remember that the next time you
want to go out and have a few drinks and no dinner. You’re better off eating a
little something and Opposite: Run a series of these exercises, please. 212
J A N I C E D I C K I N S O N
having only one drink.) Anyway, when I quit
smoking and drinking, I did what anyone does: chew, chew, chew. I even did
something surprising for a model: I got interested in fabulous baked goods.
That’s when I noticed my skin was starting to get blotchy. Alas, that’s sugar
for you. Resist! The saddest thing is when I see someone work out really hard
and then later eat a ton of white sugar—or cheese, which works the same way.
That’s like having liposuction, and then having the pounds sewn right back onto
your
and magazines that offer a thousand different tips in the name of beauty every
single month. I won’t mock them—I figure you all know by now that it’s a bunch
of bullshit, right?
Girls, you honestly don’t need to spend
millions to turn your already overcrowded bathroom counter into a shrine for
the beauty product line of the moment. When it comes to sharing the best in
beauty tips, I have it down to a science. Read on, and follow these tips if you
want to be . . . totally perfect.
For the Bod
How hard is it to keep your chassis tuned?
Ladies, it’s grueling, I know. My life has been grueling since the 1970s, and
it ain’t getting any easier. But if you break it down into a million tiny jobs
along the way, you might find it easier to cope with what you have to do to
stay in control. You’ve
E V E R Y T H I N G A B O U T M E I S F A K
E . . . A N D I ’ M P E R F E C T
211
got to tell yourself what to do. Hit the gym
five or six times a week. (Get over it!) Eat all the greens on your plate. (Don’t
make that face. I mean all of them, young lady!)
And you’ve got to remember what’s at stake
if you don’t. I’m a waistlineis-half-full kind of gal. You can call me pessimistic
if you want. But you’ll never call me fat.
It’s all about what you do with your
body—what you put into it, and what you do with all the energy that’s waiting
to get out of it. People often ask me: “What do you eat now, Janice?” Here we
go: I start the day with an egg-white omelet. It’s a great shot of protein that
keeps you feeling full. A little bowl of oatmeal is fine, too—the plain
oldfashioned kind, not Maple & Two Tons of Brown Sugar. You must eat
breakfast. It gives you the energy you need to get the day rolling. For lunch,
I eat anything that flies, swims, or crawls. And I never have bread with it.
For a snack during the day, I eat plain celery. Why? I work really hard on my
body, and I don’t want to blow it. I’ll also have a small handful of almonds if
I’m hungry between meals. I don’t mean the whole can, although I do believe it’s
important to pig out once a week on good stuff that you love. Yesterday, for
example, I had a few cookies. Today, I won’t. The key is not to abandon your
self-control every single day. You can’t go wrong with salmon. Grilled,
poached, or chilled, it’s great for your body. I eat it once or twice a week.
It’s good for your brain cells, too—the ones you have left, anyway.
Power Bars, or energy bars, are better than eating
a sandwich for lunch, but you can’t snack on them relentlessly, thinking that
you’re doing your bod a favor. They’re packed with calories.
I have a huge sweet tooth, and since I
stopped smoking it’s gotten worse. Giving up alcohol made it even more
difficult because alcohol has a ton of sugar. (Remember that the next time you
want to go out and have a few drinks and no dinner. You’re better off eating a
little something and Opposite: Run a series of these exercises, please. 212
J A N I C E D I C K I N S O N
having only one drink.) Anyway, when I quit
smoking and drinking, I did what anyone does: chew, chew, chew. I even did
something surprising for a model: I got interested in fabulous baked goods.
That’s when I noticed my skin was starting to get blotchy. Alas, that’s sugar
for you. Resist! The saddest thing is when I see someone work out really hard
and then later eat a ton of white sugar—or cheese, which works the same way.
That’s like having liposuction, and then having the pounds sewn right back onto
your