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air. I stopped right outside her bedroom door on my way out, but couldn’t find the courage to go in. The cowardly lion had more courage than I did. After what I did to that girl, she should hate me forever. I blame it on being a teenager, but I was just cruel and wanted to be cool in front of my friends. Even back then she and Dane were real close, and he probably would have kicked my ass for what I did. He’s a shrimp now, so I didn’t have to worry, but I still didn’t want him pissed off.
    The last time I saw her, she was down by the lake crying. It was my fault. A couple of days before that I had kissed her. I wanted to, but she didn’t really know that. The group of kids that we all hung around dared me to do it. They knew that she really liked me, but they didn’t know that I liked her too. No one could know. One of the guys had promised me ten bucks to do it on a double dare. I agreed. I didn’t think about the situation I’d be putting her in, and I couldn’t tell her.
    I asked her to meet me about a half a mile down the bank side of the lake behind her house. There was an old swing that we would use to swing off into the lake. She was supposed to meet me there right before sunset. One of the guys had agreed to hide back in the tree line so that he could be a witness. I felt guilty for doing it her, but not at the right time. The guilt didn’t set in until after I had already done it. She had no clue. She was happy that I had asked her to meet me there. She never questioned me at all. Even to this day, I still remember everything, right down to the clothes that she was wearing; this little white sundress with straps that tied into bows on her shoulders. She looked really pretty. At the time, I was thinking that I needed to hurry the hell up and get it over with. I could get my money and be on my way until her lips touched mine.
    At fifteen, I had no experience with girls. I flirted with them, but it never went beyond that. I didn’t want the boys to know how inexperienced I was, so I acted like this was no big deal.
    “What are we doing here Travis? Why did you want me to meet you?” She asked. She stood there looking up at me, and I remember thinking that she was cute and that this would be easy. Behind Dane’s back all the other kids made fun of her, because she was so different. She was short and she wore her hair in two braids that hung on each shoulder. She didn’t have time to play with the other kids; all she ever did was swim. People thought that she was weird or maybe even stuck up. I knew better though. I got to see a different side to her because I practically lived with the Evan’s during the summer. I was still mean to her. I picked on her, just like the other kids because I wanted to be part of their group. When I was around Dane, I wasn’t too bad. I would push her, or pull her hair, but only because I couldn’t be mean to her just part of the time.
    “I wanted to tell you something. Actually I was thinking that we should kiss.” I could hear myself saying these words to her. Why was I such a douche bag, and all for ten bucks?
    “Travis, I thought you hated me.”
    “I don’t hate you.” I was serious when I said those words to her, but for the guy in the background, it was all a lie. She believed me so easily. I didn’t have to persuade her at all. I ran my hands down the length of her braids, and I remember that she closed her eyes. I tilted her head up just a little and watched as her lips opened slightly. I leaned in and kissed her. It was pretty great for a first kiss. I liked the way her lips felt against mine, and the kiss went on a little longer than it should have. The look in her eyes when we pulled apart is one I will never forget. That was the moment when I realized that she was my first love. It’s crazy I know.
    I avoided her the next day because I didn’t want to face her. I felt guilty, or maybe I was just a coward. She was leaving to go back home in two days,