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needed more time,” he says,
    “That’s all.
    But we didn’t do anything wrong.”
     
    “You mean once school started,” I say,
    “ After you broke up with her we didn’t do anything wrong.”
     
    Why did it feel so wrong then,
    After he broke up with her?
     
    Why did we have to sneak around
    After he broke up with her?
     
    Meet at midnight?
    Lie to our parents?
    Why did I have to tell Honesty I had phantom study groups,
    Or extra chem lab homework,
    Or the flu
    After he broke up with her?
     
    “You wanted me to ask you out,
    Take you on dates.”
    Trav folds his arms,
    Clears his throat.
    “I tried hard to do the right thing.
    Not counting last summer—”
    He says loudly as I start to protest,
    “Not counting last summer,
    I tried to do the right thing.”
     
    “We should’ve told her together,” I say,
    The sound getting lost in the space between us.
    “We were in this together,
    And we should’ve told her together.”
     
    “I agree,” Trav says.
     
    “Then why did you tell her without me?”
     
    He shifts closer to me,
    Takes my hand between his.
    “I felt responsible.
    I tried so hard, Elly,
    So hard to do the right thing.”
     
    This time,
    Those words ring with truth,
    With power,
    With love.
     
    This time,
    I can hear it in his voice,
    Feel it in his touch.
     
    “I know,” I say.
     
    “Then why didn’t you call me back?”
    He sounds like he might cry,
    The same way he sounded the day Jesse left.
    “Why have you ignored me for months?
    Why are you going to California?”
     
    Because you didn’t call me until after.
    Because Honesty asked me to.
    Because I can’t live here anymore.
     
    “I have to.”
     
    “But—”
     
    “But nothing.
    I can’t stay here.”

BEFORE MY FIRST REAL DATE WITH TRAV,
    Mom reached into her purse,
    Held something toward me.
    “Take this. Just in case.”
     
    Horrified, I choked,
    “Mom—” I started,
    Stopped when I saw what she was holding.
    A cell phone.
    I looked up into her eyes,
    Searching,
    Unwilling to believe.
     
    “I think it’s time you had one,” she said.
    “You’re a senior now,
    And I can’t expect you to be home all the time.
    Maybe I’ll worry less if you have that.”
     
    A piece of the impenetrable brick wall between us crumbled away.
    “Wow, thanks, Mom.”
    I hugged her,
    Escaped to my room to get dressed,
    To figure out how to add contacts to the phone.
     
    I spent too much time fiddling with my new toy,
    Because the next thing I knew,
    The doorbell buzzed.
     
    I stuffed the phone in my skirt pocket,
    Darted across the hall to brush my teeth.
     
    Murmurs of Travis’s deep voice mingled with Mom’s higher tone.
    She laughed;
    He chuckled.
    My heart flopped against my lungs,
    Leaving me breathless and flushed.
     
    I crept down the hall,
    Felt so unsure of myself,
    Like the ground in front of me might suddenly vanish,
    And I’d fall into nothingness.
     
    Trav stood behind the couch,
    His hands casually stuffed in his jean pockets,
    His mega-watt smile trained on my mom.
     
    Paired with the jeans,
    He wore a blue polo shirt open at the throat,
    His trademark green Converse on his feet,
    A leather jacket draped over one arm.
    He looked good enough to eat.
     
    “Hey,” I said,
    Stepped into the room,
    Smoothed down my skirt,
    Adjusted my top.
     
    Honesty usually dressed me,
    And I had no way to know if I looked good or not.
    I pushed away the nagging twinge of guilt before meeting Trav’s eyes.
    They’d broken up;
    We were free to go out together.
    But it felt wrong that she didn’t know about us.
     
    He scanned me once, quickly,
    Before sweeping me into a hug that made my feet leave the floor.
     
    “Hey, yourself. You look great,” he whispered in the split second
    Before setting me down.
     
    I cleared my throat,
    Gathered my jacket from the closet.
    Heard Trav say, “I’ll have her home by midnight, Mrs. Livingston.”
     
    Mom nodded,
    Her eagle eyes missing nothing.
     
    I didn’t know