and nervous to think that the official, no-nonsense United States Army wording was directed at his big brother: âWill proceed ⦠report no later than 0800 ⦠for civilian air transport to MACV â¦â Nicky also snuck a look at the plane tickets that would ship Roy from New York to Chicago to San Francisco to Tan Son Nhut AFB in the Republic of Vietnam.
Nicky thought, âWow.â No one in the family had ever flown in an airplane.
Nicky ran his fingertips along the green wool and brass buttons of Royâs army uniform, stiff on a hanger behind the bedroom door. Nicky touched the area above the left pocket. âThatâs where the medals go,â he thought.
Later, as the sun set behind the aspirin factory, Mom happily put together Royâs going-away meal (everyone was careful to not call it a last meal). As Mom cooked, Nicky read the Sunday comics on the floor and Dad watched the Yankee game. In these final moments of peace, the apartment smelled of frying eggplant.
Roy marched into the living room, cleared his throat, and asked Dad if he had a minute. Nicky looked up from the comics. Nicky was still startled by Royâs army-regulation haircut. The buzz cut made him resemble Roy from the old days. It was like going back in time, and Nicky was comforted by the sensation.
âWhat is it?â Dad said, looking away from a bases-loaded rally by the Yankees.
âI ainât going.â
âAinât going where?â
âYou know.â
âNo, I donât know.â
âTo Vietnam.â
âSome joke.â
Roy said, in a tone of voice straight out of big moments in black-and-white movies, âThis is no joke.â
Dad slid forward in his easy chair. He nearly slid off the cushion.
âWhat is this? A gag? So where do you think youâre going?â
âTo Canada. I have it all planned out.â
Dad said, âPlanned?â
Roy said he had given the matter a lot of thought. He said the war was clearly a big stupid mistake. He said he had no desire to get shot, blown up, burned alive, dismembered, disemboweled, or beheaded for a big stupid mistake.
Dad said, âThey didnât ASK your opinion. They TOLD you to go.â
âThis is an unjust war.â
âDonât give me that crap. What do you know of war?â
âPlenty,â Roy said. âI know itâs rotten.â
âOh. An expert.â
âI took a walk through the VA hospital the other day. You should see.â
âThe VA hospital?â
âYeah. A friend. She knows a doctor there.â
âOh. Oh-HO. I smell Margalo in this. I should have known.â
âWhat does that matter?â Roy said. âI ainât going. And you canât make me.â He sounded like Roy at age nine, a boy refusing to eat beets.
Dad said, âSit down. Listen to me.â
âNo.â
âSit.â
âNo. Iâll stand.â
âSit down.â
âNo.â
Dad stood. Roy sat on the couch.
Dad sat in his chair.
Roy stood.
Dad stood.
Roy sat.
Mom entered the room with a wooden spoon, dripping tomato sauce onto the rug.
âWhat in Godâs name is going on?â
Dad said, âRoy and me need to have a discussion. But weâre doing a jack-in-the-box thing instead.â
âNicky,â Mom said. She crooked her forefinger. âCome with me. Roy. You sit and talk with your father.â
Nicky and Mom listened from the kitchen table as Dad and Roy conducted their discussion. The discussion raged into nightfall.
âYou will do your duty.â
âI have an obligation to NOT go.â
âAre you afraid? Is that it? Listen, we were afraid. We went.â
âYou canât even run your own life, Iâll be damned if youâll run mine.â
âItâs that hippie girlfriend of yours, isnât it? Am I right? Thatâs it, right?â
âThis is my decision.â
âYou