little like himâshortish, with plastic hair that resembled his hairpiece. âSa-a-ay!â he called, setting down the statue. âWhat did the teacher say when I hammered my thumb?â He taped a hammer to the statueâs hands and lined it next to six other figures, some with shovels, others with brooms. âSmart, Bart?â Bart Coolidge laughed so hard it sounded like a draft horse whinny. Smart Bartâs is his used-car business. He must have dreamed of being a comedian because heâs got a million corny jokes, one for every occasion.
âI like your seven dwarves, Mr. Coolidge!â Barker yelled.
âFor Labor Day,â Catman whispered. âHi ho, off to work. Get it? My parents are very big on lawn ornaments.â
âStop on down to Smart Bartâs if you really want decorations!â Mr. Coolidge patted his hairpiece. âSa-a-ay! What did one headlight say to the other?â
I started laughing already. âI give.â
âIâm brighter than you are!â He laughed so hard I stepped back. His Scooby Doo vest looked so tight. I didnât want to be around when a button blew.
We followed Catman inside.
Mrs. Coolidge shouted from the winding staircase, âCalvin!â as if heâd been lost. She wore pink stretch pants, and her bright yellow hair was piled high as a beehive.
She ran up to me and in one motion twisted my hair up off my neck. âI would give my right arm for this hair, wouldnât you, Barker? I told the girls at the salon about your thick, wavy brown, dear. You have to stop in and prove Claire Coolidge is no liar!â
She sat us at the mile-long table and fed us cookies and purple drinks in skinny glasses with paper umbrellas. Catman downed 14 cookies, eating the outside of each cookie first and then the filling.
I leaned back in the carved throne chair and enjoyed how cool the house felt with the heavy, red curtains drawn and blocking out heat and light.
Mr. Coolidge burst into the house and kissed his wife. Two of his vest buttons were missing. âI was talking with the boys at the Ashland business meeting about the future of our town. Calvin, did you declare a career today?â
âA career?â I asked, trying to picture Catman selling used cars.
âEighth-grade project,â Barker explained. âThey have to research a career all year for a big report.â
Catman licked filling from his lips. âTelegraph operator.â
âAs in the Morse code?â Barker asked. âDash . . . dash . . . dash?â
âYep.â Catman peeled two bananas at the same time.
Mr. Coolidge frowned. âSa-a-ay! I donât think they have telegraphs or operators anymore.â
Catman got his catlike grin. âGroovy. No competition.â
âA person must make a name in this world!â declared Catmanâs dad. âIsnât that so, Mrs. Coolidge? We all need a reputation!â
I had to agree with him. âI could sure use a reputation as a horse whisperer. I just donât know where to start.â
âStart right here, young Winifred!â He patted my head. âJoin the Ashland Business Association!â
Wow! âWould they let me?â
âDecidedly not!â he admitted. âBut what of your father? Getting the Willis name about town would serve your purpose. It would be my great honor to invite him to our luncheon!â
âNo kidding?â It was a step. Maybe Summer would stop making fun of Odd-Job Willis. âThanks!â
Later that afternoon Catman, Barker, and I took turns answering the pet help line at Patâs Pets. I let Barker and Catman answer dog and cat e-mails first. I still wasnât in a hurry to face Dad.
As Barker wrote to someone called K-9, I read over his shoulder:
Iâve tried everything to get my poodle to heel! I jerk the leash and drag her. I tried hitting her when she
Robert & Lustbader Ludlum