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an Army hospital in Germany when they put Ricky in the ground. When he got home, he couldn’t face anyone. Just Karen and Tabitha. No one else. Not family. Not friends, not even childhood friends, and especially not the wife of the guy he was supposed to protect. He needed to be alone.
    I hope he’s okay, wherever Bobby is, I hope he’s safe, the shit.
    Why can’t we get together now? Am I ready? Can I face them? Not even Jake?
    He thought of Jake. The tall lanky seminary student on his way at becoming a full-fledged minister. The respectable member of Suicide Squad. Well, before 9/11 changed all that. That day changed a lot of things, I’d imagine. Jake wanted to sign up. Infantry, or so he had said. But his parents had not been as thrilled with the idea of their only child rushing off into some war . Despite the feverish patriotism of the day, the thought of losing their boy was unimaginable, or so Johnathan assumed of Jake’s parents. Jake said he promised to sign up as a Chaplain’s assistant. They reluctantly agreed.
    And Mags…? How I can I face her? What if she hates me…? Hates me for ignoring her calls, for Ricky?
    Johnathan could picture Maggie easily enough. The image he loved the best was of the Nirvana t-shirt wearing girl in a club of four boys…the girl he had a crush on for years, ever since third grade, back when they were still just kids. Hard headed tomboy was kind enough not to break my heart. Strange world we live. He looked over at Karen as she snored beneath the covers. Ended up marrying her little sister! Who would have predicted that? Never gave her the time of day back then.
    But it worked out for the best. Mags never liked me the way I liked her. I was just a kid then. What was love? Puppy-love more like. And Karen…she’s been my salvation in all this fucked up mess. And Tabitha, her sweet little girl, I’d do anything for her.
    Despite his best efforts, his thoughts lead back to Ricky, like the stink of something rotting left in the trash, his face wouldn’t go away. Johnathan rolled over, facing away from Karen. He could feel hot tears itching behind his eyes. His stomach quivered. The grief flowed steadily, tickling down the side of his face. Fucking Ricky. Why did you have to die? Why? You couldn’t have…done something, anything? You just sat there and waited for it? Selfish asshole. Now Mags is alone. Won’t talk with any of us for more than five minutes, not me, not even Karen. Hope you’re happy, dickhead . I hope you’re happy you son-of-a-bitch…God I miss you. I miss you, man. You were my brother. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please…just know that I’m sorry. It was my fault…God help me…
    Johnathan cried as silently as he could, stuffing the fat of the pillow in his mouth. Eventually he fell asleep and dreamed, as terrible and frightening as that sounds, he dreamed.

 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 5
     
     
    JAKE WILLIAMS
     
    Jake
     
    The moan of the mattress springs was a testament of the hotel’s age and typical clientele. Jake was surprised the damn thing hadn’t collapsed entirely from the ruckus they were making, he and… what’s her name ? The box spring bed had no label to identify the country of its origin, not that it mattered any. The bed was not designed for sleeping. The pine headboard sounded a hollow thud against the wall, doing some rather impressive damage to the once white plaster, stained yellow with cigarette smoke, and the black trail of what Jake could only assume to be roach turds. A new crack appeared with another rhythmic thrust. And with each thrust, the girl—whatever her name was—some pretty thing, or at least bar pretty, the kind of pretty after a few bourbon and cokes, he found sitting all alone at this piss hole called The Cockeyed Seagull , moaned, allowing her legs to dangle over his shoulders, in erotic shrills from the pleasurable pain of drunken angry penetration.
    He didn’t mind the noise. It sounded better