hand for a shake, but realize too late Skylar isn’t budging. Her arms fold into each other as she crosses them, leaving me hanging, my hand empty and extended between us. You’ve got to be kidding me. Thankfully her attention is so fully on Ezra that she doesn’t notice me awkwardly retract to grip my beer bottle. “We just wrapped up a show at The Hill,” Skylar says. “I almost didn’t come, but I heard you’d be here, so I had to come say hi and see the latest masterpiece.”
As she says that last bit, she puts a hand with perfectly manicured black nails in his and squeezes.
I swallow and attempt to be a good sport. “So, you were playing a show?”
Her stare would be withering if it weren’t so disinterested.
Ezra clears his throat and says, “Skylar’s the singer for Blank Form.”
“Oh,” I say, very aware that I’m supposed to recognize that name. “Awesome.”
“I guess,” she says, clearly apathetic.
The room’s starting to feel too hot and I throw back the last of my beer. It’s warm and extra hoppy on my tongue.
“Wish you could have been there instead of here,” Skylar’s saying to Ezra. “These parties are the same thing every week. Maybe you could rethink that collaboration show I suggested last month, yeah? We play, you paint, we sell it for charity at the end. People love that shit.”
She’s playing with the hair at the base of his neck and I suddenly feel like an alien in my own skin. Something dull and aching feels like it’s pressed against my ribs. I look around to try and find Leon, but he’s moved on to conversations with other people. At once, the dynamic of this whole party sharpens in clear relief. I’m an ugly duckling trying to fit in with the swans.
Ezra’s saying something to me but I don’t quite catch it. I don’t look him in the eye, either.
The room is way, way too hot.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go,” I say, shoving my way to the side and past beautiful girls and beautiful boys and beautiful lights that don’t belong to me. “Thanks for the invite,” I mumble over my shoulder.
I’ve already made it to the steps when I hear Audrey call my name. I ignore her and push my way past the gatekeeper and back into the misty air where I finally feel cool.
5
I ’ve barely made it three steps out of the door before Ezra reaches me. He catches me by the shoulder and I feel it like a jolt. His touch on my arm is becoming addictive in the very best way, and that unnerves me. I don’t want to crave a connection as much as I’m craving this one.
But I do.
“Hey,” he says, that look of concern back on his face. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I answer automatically, my voice coming out breathless as I pull my sweater tighter. “Big parties aren’t really my thing. I probably shouldn’t have come.”
“Well, I’m glad you did, but I’m sorry you weren’t having a good time.” He leans his weight on one leg and puts his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. How does he make casual look so good?
I sigh and shake my head to clear it. “No, it’s not… it’s a great party. I do better one-on-one, is all.”
I don’t mention that I also do better when I’m not monstrously uncomfortable and surrounded by amazing, intimidating people. Being reminded that you’re an art school dropout is even worse when everyone around you is making incredible art.
Ezra light years away from me in terms of talent and confidence, and the fact that he’s paying me any mind at all feels like a miracle. A miracle that makes my stomach flutter.
Ezra’s touch traces down my arm to settle at my hand. His fingers interlace with mine and I feel my heart in my throat. “If you prefer one-on-one time, let me walk you home.”
“You don’t have to do that, I’m fine.” The words spill out of my mouth before I realize I don’t really mean them. I actually do want him to walk me home. It’s been a while since I wanted anything to do with anyone.
He looks