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this ridiculous plot of Penny’s, but something stops me. A big, disgusting, faux-military vehicle in shiny suburban silver (reminiscent of Penny’s mom’s baby, I mean, Hummer ), complete with skinny mom in baseball cap, pulls up next to us at the Cheese Castle. The woman gets out, two kids barely visible in the backseat above the auto armor, and says to them, “I’ll be right back.” Then she closes and locks the door— beep beep —leaving the kids in the car. You don’t do that. That’s Mom 101. I saw this episode of Oprah about a mom who left her kid in the car because he was sleeping and she didn’t want to wake him, and he died. Dead. Suffocated by hot air. My mom would never do that. But Penny’s, I’m not so sure.
    â€œMa, I don’t want you to worry. Don’t ask how I know, but I’m pretty sure Penny’s all right. Call it friend’s intuition. You have to trust me on that.”
    â€œIt’s good to think so positively, Lil.”
    â€œNo, Ma, I mean, I know, like, for sure that she’s fine.” I wish she could see my face to read the certainty in my eyes.
    â€œLillian, is there something you’re not telling me?” I’m relieved to hear a bit of the suspicious mom in her voice, like she’s starting to believe me.
    â€œMaybe.” I laugh a little, trying to reassure her. And myself. “I think there’s been a misunderstanding between her and her family, and I don’t want you to worry about it.”
    â€œAre you sure? Because that policeman…”
    â€œI’ll call him and straighten things out, Ma. You don’t have to get involved at all. No worries. Done,” I convince her. And just like that I get an idea in my head of how I’m going to deal with this. “I love you, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.”
    â€œLove you, too. Be good.” And she hangs up.
    Josh watches me, one eyebrow raised. “So you’re turning Penny in, just like that? Game over?”
    â€œNot exactly,” I say guiltily. “I told my mom that so she wouldn’t worry.” I look over at the Hummer. “Good moms worry,” I say.
    At that moment, a police car pulls into the Cheese Castle lot. I start a bit, wondering for a minute if they’re after me, but this is a Wisconsin state trooper, and I seriously doubt things have gotten this extreme that there’s an APB out on me. The cop probably just has to get his cheese on. A female police officer steps out of the car and slams the door. I look over at the Hummer again, windows hardly cracked. “Excuse me, officer.” I barely recognize my voice as I walk toward the cop. I catch Josh’s panicked expression, knowing he probably thinks what I’m going to do has something to do with Penny. Which it does, albeit indirectly.
    â€œMay I help you?” she asks with a twinge of suspicion. I see her eyeing Josh, who’s now sitting on the hood of his car, shirtless in his dick shades, dropping cheese curds delicately into his mouth.
    â€œI just wanted to let you know that a woman left some kids in that Hummer over there. And it’s kind of hot out, you know?” I want to add that real moms don’t leave their kids locked up in environmentally destructive tanks while gallivanting about inside cheese meccas. A real mom would bring her kids in and buy them cheese in the shape of mystical beasts. Or cows.
    â€œDid you see where the woman went?” the officer asks.
    â€œInside the Cheese Castle.” I almost laugh at how absurd that sounds. “She’s wearing a powder blue baseball cap,” I add.
    â€œThank you.” She nods her head and walks with purpose into the Castle.
    â€œJosh,” I say, turning toward the shirtless wonder on the hood. “I don’t want to go home.”
    â€œYeah, sure, we can go somewhere else. We got nowhere to be.” He plucks a curd out of