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That if I could save lives and make dying kids better, why didn’t I want to bring Charlotte back. Like I’m some combination of an uncaring god, neglectful husband, and lousy father all rolled up into one.” His lips thinned and the muscle at his jaw clenched. “Maybe she’s right.”
    “She’s how old?”
    “Five. How do you explain ‘missing’ to a five-year-old? She has a grasp on the idea of death, but the idea that her mommy could be gone, not dead, not alive, not home, not anywhere… hell, I can’t grasp it. A year now, and I still have no idea if I’m doing more harm by giving her false hope that Charlotte might come back or if it would be better for her to accept that Charlotte’s gone for good.”
    “Maybe that’s the problem. She’s trying to follow your lead—”
    “And I’m going nowhere except spinning in circles.” He drew in a breath, raising his shoulders into a shrug. “I think that’s why I’ve been avoiding the whole anniversary thing. A year is too long for Nellie to linger in limbo. It’s time to decide how we’re going to live.”
    They stood in comfortable silence. Finally, Lucy said, “Maybe you’re right. You shouldn’t work this case. Take a few days off, be with your family.”
    “Nellie’s in school today, and the empty house…” He gave a shake of his head. “Besides, you need someone to go over Sarah’s apartment, inventory her personal possessions. It’ll keep me busy. Shouldn’t take more than a few hours. But I think maybe I will take the rest of the week off. Spend time with Nellie. Figure out the answers to the questions I’ve been avoiding all year. Like how to say goodbye to Charlotte when it’s the last thing I want.”
    Lucy nodded her agreement, not sure how to help Tommy deal with the turmoil other than to focus on work and the case at hand. “I know the doctors said Sarah was fine to go home, that she only had a mild concussion, but she seems so… unconcerned? I mean, relatively speaking.” She’d seen victims in shock, denial, even stunned. But Sarah was smiling, joking about her predicament.
    “ La belle indifférence ,” he said. “The mask of denial. A kind of psychic defense mechanism for when things are so confusing the brain can’t make sense of them, so it defaults to whatever emotion is most socially acceptable. Usually a pleasant smile—best way to gain strangers’ trust and get their help. Evolutionarily speaking.”
    “Okay. But it feels like there’s more.”
    “You think she does remember something?”
    “Maybe not consciously. Maybe this is more than a simple concussion. Maybe there’s something she wants to forget.”
    “Psychogenic fugue?” His tone turned musing. “Rare. Very rare. And not something we see in kids, so I don’t have much experience with it. Maybe your husband does?”
    “I’ll ask. But Burroughs and Oshiro both got the same impression after seeing Sarah’s apartment: that she’d purposely lived a life with no ties to her past.”
    “Like she’s on the run from someone?” He straightened, his gaze traveling past her to the house behind them as if seeking any potential threat. “Then we need to protect her.”
    “Hard to do until we know who she is and what, if anything, she’s running from.”
    He nodded grimly. “Right. I’ll get her keys and head over, get started on her place. Maybe Burroughs missed something.”
     
     

     
     
     

Chapter 7
     
     
    NELLIE RACED THROUGH the empty school courtyard searching for something to hit. Or some one . Anyone.
    But the recess bell had rung, the playground was empty, and there were only the tall, heavy, mirror-like glass doors reflecting her image in waves, making her look like she’d soon wash away to nothing.
    She was late. Not her fault—they’d made her chase the ball after it went over the fence—but Sister Agnes said if you came in late, you had to report to the office. Sign in. Be escorted to class. And no more recess for a