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of still-warm flesh. I roll my window down and
start picking them off, one by one. Will rolls his window down and
finishes them when my gun runs out of bullets.
    "Thanks,"
I tell him in almost a whisper, very much aware that his feelings for
me have changed.
    "Uh huh,"
he responds in monotone. That's it. He says nothing else.
    Not that I
expected him to.
    My chest aches in
the same spot my heart hides. I fight back the tears and allow myself
to become cold, hard, and numb again.
    In silence, we make
it around the truck, over the bridge, and into Hill City. I pull out
my cell, but I don't dial. I'm too scared of talking to anyone else.
    Jake notices the
phone in my hand and quickly offers to call. Grateful, I hand it to
him. When he starts talking, the tone of his voice and the words he
responds with, tell me all I need to know.
    Jake says goodbye
and hands my phone back. "Canada, they don't want you meeting up
with them, but they're sending Dustin to check you out. They have to
protect the kids, you know?"
    "Screw you,
Jake! How can you say that so casually ?
Some of those "kids" are mine. Mine! They can't keep them from me!" I scream at him.
    "Canada,
there's something wrong with you. You do need to be checked out and I
know how much you love your kids. I know when you're able to think
clearly again - and I believe you will, if you let Dustin help you - that you'll agree it's the right thing to
do; the safest thing to do," Jake says.
    I let Jake's words
sink in, then nod my head. "So where are we supposed to meet
Dustin?"
    "They said to
find somewhere safe on the east side of town on the main street and
he will find us. Which - hopefully - is a store or something, 'cause I really need to use the restroom
and get something to eat and drink."
    My stomach growls
and my own bladder reminds me it's getting pretty full too, so I nod
my head in agreement and turn in the direction we need to go. Pulling
up beside the door of a gas station, movement inside makes me groan
with weariness. But when a small face appears in the glass of the
door, and its mouth opens to call out to the others, I jerk in
surprise.
    These people are
alive!
    More headlights
shine from the road in the direction we had just come and I brace
myself, expecting another group like the ones we had just dealt with.
But it's a Buick with an older couple who pull in next to us on our
passenger side. They look hard inside the Hummer, but I know how dark
these windows are - especially at night - so I roll the passenger
window down and Jake does the same with his. Then I scoot over so
that they can see me.
    The old man calls
out, "Are you friend or foe?"
    I give a startled
glance at Jake.
    What the hell?
    Who the hell
actually says that?
    Jake flashes a huge
grin at me, and I can't help but grin back. I cough to cover up the
laughter wanting to spill out and say, "Uh, friend, I guess. We
won't hurt you, if that's what you mean."
    I turn my head to
Jake, prepared to roll my eyes and give him another grin from the
absurdity of it all, but his look of doubt in my direction stops me.
    Oh.
    Yeah.
    I'm considered
armed, dangerous, and incredibly screwed up in the head. Well, more
so than usual now.
    My
grin falls and I look away from Jake to Will. He's just staring at me
- I guess waiting for me to start shooting this couple. I tear my eyes away from Will and
tell Jake to talk to the older couple, as I scoot back over behind
the wheel. I stare straight ahead at the dumpster sitting in the back
of the lot. Tears burning to be let out.
    I want to cry,
scream, and lash out from the incredible pain I feel inside, but I
fight it. I don't want sympathy. Worse, what if no one even offers
any? That would screw me up even more.
    But they're
right. I have lost it. What I did back there, and what I did to Sara, that's not
what normal people do. What if Dustin can't help me? What if they think he has helped me, but I lose it again? What if I hurt or kill someone I
love?
    No!
    I am not going