take a shower, so I’ll see you around, okay?”
The confusion in his eyes is strong and clear. I’m hurting him. But I’m saving myself.
It was two years ago. I was stepping into chemistry class when he took my hand.
“Tease,” he said in a playful voice. “Your parents sent me an invitation to your cotillion.”
“Yeah?” I said softly. I knew my parents would invite him to my sixteenth birthday party because he’s my brother’s best friend. On top of that, the Carmichaels have more money than God and have always supported Dad’s politics.
Ezra tugged on a strand of my hair. “You’ll save your first dance for me, right?”
I swallowed hard. The weekend before, Ezra and I had been watching a movie with my brother and his girlfriend in the common room of Harvey House, his dorm. I’d been lounging on the floor in front of the couch where Ezra was sitting. He kept tapping my shoulder, and when I’d turn around to see what he wanted, he pretended he hadn’t touched me.
When my brother left to go make out with his girlfriend, Ezra patted the couch next to him and smiled. With a deep breath, I crawled up to sit beside him, close enough that our thighs touched. At seventeen, Ezra was two years older than me, and he played goalie for the soccer team. He’d had a slew of girlfriends, all of whom were sweet to me, but I had to hate them on principle because I was in love with him. His experience with girls intimidated me. My sister told me he’d lost it when he was fifteen, with a girl on a mission trip to Panama. I prayed it wasn’t true, even though it likely was.
It was a nice surprise to hang out that night. According to Oliver, Ezra generally spent Saturdays running poker games in Harvey House, gambling with other boys for real money. Instead, he was sitting on the couch with me. I shivered with excitement. He’d finally stopped looking at me as his best friend’s annoying little sister. I knew this because when I wore my first real string bikini that past summer, he checked out my boobs.
During the movie, he threw his arm across the back of the couch, behind my shoulders. I caught him looking at me out of the corner of his eye, and for a few minutes, he gently played with my hair.
Nothing else happened that night—well, except for people getting eaten by dinosaurs during Jurassic Park —but I could feel the crackle of anticipation between us. I’d saved everything for him. My first kiss, my first hookup, my virginity. I wanted him to have them all.
But on the night of my cotillion, after I’d spent an entire day at the spa prepping for what was going to be the best night of my life, I waited.
I waited and waited for Ezra.
His parents, who had also been invited, came over to wish me a happy birthday. “We sent a car to the school to collect Ezra for the party,” his father grumbled, “but our driver said he wasn’t at the dorm.”
Mrs. Carmichael clutched her husband’s elbow and spoke in a rushed, worried voice. “And he’s not answering his cell.”
“Typical Ezra,” his father said with a grimace, squeezing his champagne glass so hard, I expected it to shatter.
Oliver, who’d come home with me on Friday to help get ready for the party, had no idea where Ezra was either. “I hope nothing’s wrong,” my brother said. He and Ezra were completely loyal to each other, and Oliver couldn’t believe Ezra would purposely miss my birthday.
Guests came to the tent in our backyard, drank champagne, danced under twinkling bright lights, and left.
And he never showed.
Jenna gave me hugs and passed me tissues as I cried.
The next day, I heard from Madison that he had snuck off campus, driven down to Chattanooga with Mindy Roberts, and hooked up with her.
He missed my sixteenth birthday party to fool around with another girl.
Monday in the hall at school, I confronted him. “I got my hopes up…and then you didn’t show. Waiting for you sucked.”
With a red face and watery eyes