Death and Relaxation

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Book: Read Death and Relaxation for Free Online
Authors: Devon Monk
Tags: Fantasy.Urban
“It’s the meal that happens after lunch, which is the meal after you buy something out of the vending machine because you forgot to pick up donuts at the bakery before it closed again.”
    “I assume Jean has been talking to you?”
    “You’ve defaulted on three pastry promises last week. She thinks you’re not sleeping enough. I’m beginning to wonder if you’re trying to set her up with Hogan at the shop.”
    “Hogan? Why would I— Hold on. She likes Hogan?”
    “I don’t think she doesn’t like Hogan.”
    “And she tells you this, not me? Not her sister?”
    His eyebrows went up and he took a step back, one hand twitching upward. “She didn’t tell me directly.”
    “Then how do you know she likes him?”
    “I, uh, ran into her at the grocery store. We chatted, one thing led to another, Hogan walked by with a fifty-pound bag of flour on his shoulder and her gaze glued to his ass until he was out of sight.”
    “She was that obvious?”
    “I have amazing observation skills when it comes to women.”
    “Oh?”
    “It’s true. Family curse.”
    “You have a family curse.”
    “Doesn’t everyone in town?”
    He was joking, fighting back a grin. He didn’t have a curse. He didn’t even know about the creatures and deities in town. Rule #5 of my job: no spilling the beans to the mortals about the supernatural contingency.
    “Sure,” I said. “Everyone in town is cursed or worse.”
    He tipped his head for a second, the smile still not lifting, but the laughter in his eyes turning to that sharp curiosity again. “All right,” he said, “go out with me. Take an evening off. I’ll buy you one of Chris’s rhubarb beers.”
    “If you promise to not buy me one of Chris’s rhubarb beers, I’ll think about it.”
    “Can I upgrade that to a yes if I throw in burgers and fries?”
    “I don’t know. How’s the new cook he hired?”
    “She’s amazing. If Chris gets tired of brewing, her cooking would keep him afloat for years.”
    Yes, it would. Chris’s cook happened to be a goddess—Nortia, the Etruscan goddess who nailed down fate for people once a year. And like most deities on vacation in this town, she had settled into a mundane job that had nothing to do with her actual power.
    She cooked.
    At least she was good at what she’d chosen. Unlike most of the other deities, who disastrously overestimated their mundane skill set.
    “I can’t. Tonight’s not good. With all the prep for the Rhubarb Rally, and no extra hands, I’m pulling some crazy hours.”
    His shoulders relaxed, even if his eyes didn’t. “Right. Bad time of year.”
    “Maybe later?” I suggested. “After?”
    “Sure,” he said. “After. When things aren’t so busy.” He gave me a small smile. “Or if you hire someone.”
    I chuckled quietly. “Between now and the Rhubarb Rally? That would be a miracle.”
    “Miracles happen.”
    “Not to me.”
    “Then it’s long overdue, don’t you think?”
    “Optimist.”
    “Oh, so not. Realist on my best days.”
    “This must be a great day.”
    “It started out pretty good so far. Naked. With a beautiful woman.”
    “Only one of us was naked.”
    “Statement stands.” The intense look he gave me was going to make me blush, so I reached down and patted Spud’s head one more time. He nosed at my hand and opened his mouth in a big doggy smile.
    “I should head out now.” I glanced back up. Ryder was still smiling, like he knew what that smile did to me. “Bye, Ryder.”
    “Bye, Laney. Don’t forget the donuts.”
    “I’m not going to forget the donuts.” I already had, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
     

Chapter 4
     
    I STOPPED by the Puffin Muffin Bakery on the south end of town. Hogan wasn’t manning the counter, which meant he was somewhere in the back working the ovens in a cloud of flour and heat and rock and roll.
    The girl handling the breakfast rush was young, chipper, and the daughter of the high school principal.
    I ordered a dozen

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