like breathing in freedom. Life.
This is how I imagined it.
A hot breath blows against my neck.
Well, near to.
I turn and find myself face-to-face with Isiâs horse, its soft nostrils speckled with moisture. Above the white blaze on the horseâs forehead, Isi frowns down at me. I raise my eyebrows. In response, he looks pointedly behind at the others: Sister Violet and her little boys, Daniel and Nico. Frère Andre with his battered hat and wiry beard. Kane.
Theyâre all walking in the forest with looks of wonderment on their faces. Theyâre all walking . . .
âToo slow,â Isi hisses.
âTheyâre just not used to being out here yet,â I say,although weâve been walking hours at this pace and Iâm not used to it yet, neither. Nishwa is scouting way ahead on his beast, doubling back, scouting ahead. Matisa brings up the rear, scouting behind from time to time, on her own horse.
âWe do not have time for
getting used
to things,â Isi says, watching them with a frown.
âAnd how do you suppose we speed them along?â
âI wish I knew. They do not even know how to ride.â
âYou wish they hadnât come.â
âDonât you?â Isi turns his eyes on me.
âCourse Iâm glad they came,â I say.
Isi studies me in that hard way of his, like heâs asking me to be sure of my words, be sure of my own mind. I hate that look. It reminds me of how often I used to fail my Honesty virtue. Shouldnât bother me. Ever since I proved Discovery, Iâve seen the virtues in a new light. Theyâre not so cut-and-dried. Still, Iâm relieved when he clicks his tongue and urges his horse back to Sister Violet and the boys. I sigh deep.
Mayhap âgladâ wasnât the right word to use. Sister Violet is more determined to keep her family together than I figured. And I know why Isiâs irate. When it was only the six of us setting outâMatisa and the boys, Tom, Kane, and meâit was going to take a week, doubling on horseback. Now with so many of us walking, itâll take closer to two. But with Kane showing up like that, all hopeful . . .
A wave of guilt washes me as I remember Matisaâs face. She was torn; bringing them wasnât the plan, but she could see Kane didnât know how to refuse his ma.
Isi was unhappy, but she convinced him it would be all right.
And Frère Andre. Well, once Sister Violet was coming with the boys, what was one more?
âJe suis âgé,â
he said.
âJe nâaurai pas dâautre chance de voir le monde.â
It was true: he
was
old. If he wanted to see the world, coming with us was his chance. I feel a pang, thinking about him saying goodbye to his bird-boned daughter and her life mate and youngsters. She clung to him a moment with her tiny arms, but when she pulled back, she offered him a smile.
âAllez-y voir le monde, papa,â
she said. Go see the world.
I watch him stomp along, pack on his back with two rifles strapped across it. We had one rifle in our effects already, and Kane has dead-sure aim, but he hasnât practiced much with a gun, preferring his knives. Itâs good Andre came.
But it shouldâve been Tom.
I watch Nico drop behind his ma and take Kaneâs hand. Kane smiles at him and my pang disappears. At least Kane didnât have to say goodbye like I said goodbye to Tom. The relief on Kaneâs face, though, once Matisa convinced Isiâit made me happy and uneasy at once. And keeping the truth about the Bleed from him is weighing on my mind.
Thing is, telling Kane about the Bleed now, and how weâre staying safe from it, means asking him to keep it from his ma. Canât do that. And if he tells her, itâs not just one person Matisa has broken her vow for, itâs three. No. Matisa will keep us safe until we reach her people.
I shove down a niggle of unease.
Isi leans and scoops up