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airboat ride.
    Photo op: President pauses to admire sawgrass.
    Prepared comment: “Wouldn’t it be a tragedy if Americans could no longer tour this national treasure because there wasn’t enough aluminum for making airboat hulls, or copper for wiring the engine coils?
    “That’s why our mining companies must not be crippled by unnecessary regulations and pollution controls. A little extra arsenic in the water is a small price to pay for the pleasure of airboating among garfish and turtles on a spring day.”
    1:15. Motorcade stops at gator pond.
    Photo op: President points out several alligators swimming nearby.
    Prepared comment: “It wasn’t so many years ago that these magnificent animals were almost extinct. Today they’re so plentiful, we’re making shoes and purses out of ’em again!
    “Now, that’s how the Endangered Species Act is supposed to work.”
    2:30. Kayaking excursion on Whitewater Bay.
    Photo op: President swims with a manatee.
    Prepared comment: “We must do everything in our power to help this gentle giant endure.
    “That’s one reason why I’m committed to leasing millions of public acres dirt-cheap to America’s cattle ranchers, so that these precious manatees will never be needed to meet our nation’s burgeoning demand for protein.”
    4:05. Motorcade arrives at a Seminole Indian village.
    Photo op: More endangered species.
    Being allergic to cats, the president will be unable to commune with a captive Florida panther. Alternatives include a gopher tortoise, a baby indigo snake, and some sort of large moth.
    In the event that no endangered animals are available, the president has consented to be photographed with a raccoon.
    4:30. Tribute to Marjory Stoneman Douglas.
    Photo op: The president and Interior Secretary Gale Norton will perform a dramatic reading from Douglas’s classic Everglades essays.
    This will be followed by a small riot.
    5:15. Presidential tour ends at park headquarters.
    Photo op: President is greeted by his brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, who will be wearing a grocery bag over his head.
    November 28, 2001
    War Has Been Declared on the Humble Sea Cow
    “We need to define just how many manatees you need.”
    That revelatory remark was made two years ago by a fellow named Wade Hopping. He’s a big-time Tallahassee lobbyist who was speaking on behalf of the National Marine Manufacturers Association, which represents makers of boats and outboard engines. Asserting that Florida’s manatee population was “stable and growing,” Hopping suggested that the mammal be removed from the endangered-species list.
    Incredibly, both the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission now seem to be sliding in that direction.
    War quietly has been declared on the humble sea cow.
    Influential special interests fear that their profits will be threatened by regulations designed to protect the hulking, easygoing animal.
    Last month, the Coastal Conservation Association disgraced its own name by petitioning the state to demote the manatee from “endangered” to “threatened.” The CCA claims to stand for the views of thousands of recreational anglers, but on this issue, the group is hauling water for boating and sportfishing suppliers.
    It’s part of an anti-manatee backlash that began after authorities decided to beef up efforts to protect the species. Hammered by lawsuits from environmental groups, state and federal agencies agreed to devise broader regulations. Among them: more low-speed boating zones in areas of heavy manatee activity and the creation of several manatee sanctuaries where human activity would be banned or limited.
    Another controversial provision would have imposed special fees for new docks, the revenues to be used for enforcing manatee laws. That plan was scrapped after an outcry from developers of marinas.
    The new proposals have earned the manatees some prickly enemies:
    * Boaters who don’t like to be told to