Read Crush for Free Online Page B

lights
    on. Leave a trail of letters like those little knots of bread we used to
    dream about. We used to dream about them. We used to do a lot of
    things. Put your hand to the knob, your mouth to the hand, pick up the
    bread and devour it. I'm in the hallway again, I'm in the hallway. The
    radio's playing my favorite song. Leave the lights on. Keep talking. I'll
    keep walking toward the sound of your voice.

    22
    Someone had a party while you were sleeping but you weren't really
    sleeping, you were sick, and parts of you were burning, and you
    couldn't move. Perhaps the party was in your honor. You can't remem-
    ber. It seems the phone was ringing in the dream you were having but
    there's no proof. A dish in the sink that might be yours, some clothes on
    the floor that might belong to someone else. When was the last time you
    found yourself looking out of this window. Hey! This is a beautiful
    window! This is a beautiful view! 1 hose trees lined up like that, and the
    way the stars are spinning over them like that, spinning in the air like
    that, like wrenches.

    23
    Let's say that God is the space between two men and the Devil is the
    space between two men. Here: I'll be all of them-Jeff and Jeff and Jeff
    and Jeff are standing on the shoulder of the highway, four motorbikes
    knocked over, two wrenches spinning in the ordinary air. Two of these
    Jeffs are windows, and two of these Jeffs are doors, and all of these Jeffs
    are trying to tell you something. Come closer. We'll whisper it in your
    ear. It's like seeing your face in a bowl of soup, cream of potato, and the
    eyes shining back like spoons. If we wanted to tell you everything, we
    would leave more footprints in the snow or kiss you harder. One thing.
    Come closer. Listen . . .

    24
    You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves
    you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terr-
    ible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself
    a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy,
    and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to
    choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and
    he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your
    heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you
    don't even have a name for.

Meanwhile
    Driving, dogs barking, how you get used to it, how you make
    the new street yours.
    Trees outside the window and a big band sound that makes you feel like
    everything's okay,
    a feeling that lasts for one song maybe,
    the parentheses all clicking shut behind you.
    The way we move through time and space, or only time.
    The way it's night for many miles, and then suddenly
    it's not, it's breakfast
    and you're standing in the shower for over an hour,
    holding the bar of soap up to the light.
    I will keep watch. I will water the yard.
    Knot the tie and go to work. Unknot the tie and go to sleep.
    I sleep. I dream. I make up things
    that I would never say. I say them very quietly.
    The trees in wind, the streetlights on,
    the click and flash of cigarettes
    being smoked on the lawn, and just a little kiss before we say goodnight.
    It spins like a wheel inside you: green yellow, green blue,
    green beautiful green.
    It's simple: it isn't over, it's just begun. It's green. It's still green.

Snow and Dirty Rain
    Close your eyes. A lover is standing too close
    to focus on. Leave me blurry and fall toward me
    with your entire body. Lie under the covers, pretending
    to sleep, while I’m in the other room. Imagine
    my legs crossed, my hair combed, the shine of my boots
    in the slatted light. I’m thinking My plant, his chair,
    the ashtray that we bought together. I’m thinking This is where
    we live. When we were little we made houses out of
    cardboard boxes. We can do anything. It’s not because
    our hearts are large, they’re not, it’s what we
    struggle with. The attempt to