and Nanna. Or maybe they were dreams.
âSavâs never been sick like this. Never,â Mom whispered sometime during the first night. âShould we take herââ
âTake her where, Joan? If they do blood testsâ¦â Nanna murmured.
âOh, Lord, youâre right. No telling what they might find. And we canât call the Clannâs doctor, either. Heâd tell the Clann, and thatâs the last kind of trouble we need. Soâ¦what do we do?â
âI donât know. Everything I try makes her fever shoot uphigher. It shouldnât do that. Iâve gone through all the books, read everything twice. But sheâs too special. There just isnât anything about her. There never has been. Weâve always been so lucky with her. Sheâs never been sick in a way I couldnât fix.â
âAre you giving up? â Momâs voice rose to a near shriek on the last word.
âShh, no, of course not! But maybe you should call her father. Maybe his kind would know what to do.â His kind? Nanna must really hate Dad.
A long silence made me wonder if Iâd fallen asleep. Then Mom finally replied in an odd tone that made her sound even more worried than before. âAre you sure we should involve them? If we ask for their advice, they may think things are out of control. They might want to get really involved from now on.â
âWeâll have to take that risk, Joan. Itâs ask for their help or nothing else.â
Nothing else? What did that mean? Why did Nanna make those two simple words sound so scary?
I thought I heard Mom murmuring to someone, but Nanna didnât reply. Maybe Mom was talking with Dad on the phone?
âOkay, weâll try it.â Mom paused, and the cordless phone beeped as she ended the call. âMom, he says we should try removing all our influence from her.â
âAll of it? Even the protectiveâ¦â
âYes. He says it sounds like a conflict between the two sides within her.â
âButââ
âWe have to try it. It was the only solution he could think of. Andâ¦heâs coming to have the talk with her.â
âNo. No, you said she never needed to know. He said she could have a normal life!â
âSheâs changing, Mom. And we canât stop it anymore. She needs to know. But thatâs only ifâ¦if this works.â
âYou meanâ¦there wonât be any need ifâ¦â
Silence.
If what?
And then my body answered me, the pain sharpening until there was nothing but the pain. Death. It felt like I was dying the worst possible death imaginable, like being burned alive then drowned in arctic water seconds later.
Hands of fire touched my throat, a horrible contrast to the block of ice my body had become. Something slipped from my neck, and the heated fingers went away. Then I threw up, my stomach emptying itself over and over into a metal bowl Mom held for me, until nothing was left, and still the heaving didnât end.
And then I slept. Hours, days, I had no idea how long. While I slept, I dreamed of Tristan.
When I woke up, three faces peered down at me. Mom, Nannaâ¦and Dad.
Please donât let me have talked in my sleep. If Iâd said Tristanâs name out loudâ¦
But then I relaxed. Crazy, to feel guilty over a dream I couldnât control. Even if I had said his name aloud in my sleep, just because Iâd promised to stay away from Tristan and the other Clann kids ever since the fourth grade didnât mean I would get into trouble for dreaming about him now.
Still, I must have messed up somehow to have earned a visit from Dad. The only times he ever came to see me were for my birthday in October and once during the summer. And even then we only met for dinner at our favorite local restaurant, where we both pretended to eat in spite of the awkwardness between us, and he pretended to care about my life. He hadnâtcome to