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o’ that,’ he said. ‘But there’s plenty at Keldhead Stables. They can’t get rid of it fast enough. It’s free to take away. Just go along and help yourself.’
    ‘They’re the racing stables, aren’t they?’ I asked.
    ‘Aye, they get some good winners from there if you’re a betting man. Grand National, Cheltenham, Lincoln, Derby – they’ve won some big races. You can’t go far wrong if you follow them – they’ve often winners at Stockton, Thirsk, Ripon, Beverley and Wetherby an’ all. I don’t mind admitting I’ve won a bob or two on ’em.’
    ‘So their manure should make our rambling roses gallop along, eh?’ I laughed. ‘Thanks, if I’m ever out that way, I’ll pop in.’
    We chatted about other trivia then I moved on. Keldhead Stables was off my beat in another section and it was highly unlikely that I would be able to pop in during a duty patrol, so I made a mental note to tell Mary. Perhaps we’d make a special trip there on my day off.
    Then, through one of those flukes of circumstance, I was directed there within a week of learning about their manure offer. It was a Saturday evening in late May and I was making a patrol from 5pm until 1am, being responsible for the entire section in my little van. Shortly after 7pm, I received instructions over my radio to proceed immediately to Keldhead Stables where a prowler had been sighted – by chance, I was the nearest mobile.
    This was not uncommon – people did trespass upon the stables’ premises, sometimes just out of curiosity or to see a famous winning horse in its home surrounds. The motives of some, however, were a little more suspect because, at some other stables, there had been attempts to dope horses which were favourites to win. Scares of this kind had led to increased security at all racing-stables (and many existed in our area), consequently reports of such trespassers were fairly frequent.
    I rushed towards Keldhead and drove into the stable yard. Waiting for me was J.J. Stern, the noted trainer, and his face bore clear signs of relief at my arrival. After a very brief chat, he pointed towards the stable block and said a lad had seen a man creeping furtively about. By now, something around half an hour had passed and I felt sure any visitor would have left, but I made a thorough initial search of the premises. Stern had already examined his horses without finding a fault and nothing appeared to have been damaged or stolen. With a stable lad in tow to guide me through the complex of buildings, I made a second very detailed examination. It took some time, but I found no one.
    Afterwards, I detailed my actions to J.J. Stern and advised him that if other uninvited guests trespassed on his premises, he should take care to record a detailed description of the visitors, and to obtain the registration number of any suspect cars that were around. So many people fail to do this when they see a suspect car – a car number in these circumstances is vital to an investigation and can very swiftly help to trace the culprits.
    He thanked me and said he would issue instructions to his staff to follow my advice. Then he asked if I’d like a coffee. It was at this point that I remembered Mary’s wish for some manure – and at this very moment I was surrounded by a huge amount of surplus horse muck.
    I hesitated to ask, but he had guessed I was about to make a request of some kind. He must be plagued with people asking for winning tips, but I was not seeking this kind of information …
    He smiled as if not to discourage me.
    ‘Er,’ I began. ‘While I’m here, I was told you had some horse manure to get rid of.’
    ‘Manure? Tons of it! Want some, Mr Rhea?’
    ‘I wouldn’t mind some, not a lot … I’ll pay,’ I offered. ‘I can help myself …’
    ‘Nonsense. It’s free to any good home! We just want shot of it. Look, you’ve earned a coffee for your advice, so come into the office and I’ll get young Christine to pop some in