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kind
of emotional baggage? What if He is still angry with people for
crucifying His Son? Maybe God is just biding His time, waiting for
a chance to get even.
    I've heard God is a jealous God. Are His
expressions of jealousy any different from my husband's jealous
tirades? And the Bible says Jesus got really violent with people a
couple of times. His heavenly father didn't condemn His behavior.
Maybe God would say my husband's violent outbursts were also
justified and that he had every right to break my nose if it would
teach me to obey his commands.
    Does God agree with my
husband's use of power in our home? - My husband used to
shout , "I'm god in this home and don't you ever forget
it!" He said the bible gave him authority to execute justice as
he saw fit. I had rights and worth as a human being only when he
said I did. But since he blamed me for practically every problem in
our marriage, I was always being punished for something. He said it
was his responsibility to teach me to submit to his leadership. He
said if I would just cooperate and stop being so rebellious, he
wouldn't have to hit me. If Jesus uses his "god-given authority"
like my husband did, I don't want anything to do with Him.
    My husband used words as
manipulative pawns to get what he wanted and made promises he never
kept. Why should I believe God's words are any different? How do I
know He will keep His promises? - Words are nothing more
than sounds coming out of people's mouths. Words are just random
noises pretending to represent truth, but having little to do with
reality. They are just tools used to intimidate and seduce others
for personal gain. How can anyone know for certain whether or not
God's words are any different, whether His words represent the
truth?
    My husband had a very short memory when it came
to keeping his word. "Trust me, honey! I'll change, I promise.
Things will be different this time." I've heard those words a
thousand times. It makes me sick when I remember I actually used to
believe them. I took him back and yeah, things were different
alright. I ended end up in the emergency room with three broken
ribs and a black eye. Then somehow he managed to get the kids, the
house, the bank account, the car and kept his reputation spotless
in the process. Everyone felt sorry for him since he had to deal
with such a "crazy" wife. God makes a lot of promises in the Bible.
How can I be sure He'll remember them from day to day, much less,
keep any of them?
    Why should I trust Christ? He
never answered my prayers. - I cried out to God for help
many times, but he never came to my rescue. He never intervened to
stop the violence - not once! I begged God to stop my husband from
locking me in that awful closet over night, but God never delivered
me. Why didn't Jesus answer my prayers for deliverance? Where was
He all those times? It seems to me God was too busy helping my
husband. I guess men really do stick together.
    The bible says Christians are
servants of God, right? What's the difference between being a slave
to my abuser or being a slave of God? Seems to me both
relationships have the same outcome. - My husband treated me
like a piece of property; like he owned me. I couldn't go or do
anything without his permission. He controlled every move I made.
Every phone call, every letter, every friendship, every trip to the
grocery store was closely monitored. I couldn't even talk to my
friends without asking him first. Every morning he prepared a "to
do list" for me. If I didn't complete each task by the end of the
day, I was not allowed to eat dinner that night. I've heard God
requires me to submit to his absolute control. Seems to me I'm
being asked to trade one dictator for another. Either way, I'm
still a prisoner.
    Most days, my husband treated me worse than his
dog. During the years of our marriage, I was publically humiliated
and privately ripped to shreds. Won't God use his power to treat me
the same way? After all, power corrupts and