a couple days. Also, the blow to my face shattered my sinus, and if I didn’t have surgery I could lose my sense of smell completely. He said there would probably be some loss either way, but with luck…
I told him no.
He crossed his hands over his lap. “You’re a chef, right? No sense of smell means no sense of taste.”
I told him I was leaving.
This time he didn’t argue.
Ava was set to pick me up that afternoon, and I waited for her in the hospital lobby. When she didn’t show I tried calling her from the payphone outside.
No answer.
The next call I made was to yellow cab, and twenty minutes later they dropped me off in front of my apartment building. I paid the driver and got out.
It took time to pull myself up the stairs to my apartment. I stood outside the door, staring at the scarred wood. When I was ready, I took out my key and slid it in the lock. It went in and so did I.
I knew what I’d find.
Ava was gone.
I sat on the couch for a while, staring at the empty spot where Jacob’s crib had been, then got up and went to the kitchen.
I pulled some turkey and cheese from the refrigerator. There were spots of mold on the cheese, and I broke them off with my fingers and dropped them in the sink. I found a couple pieces of stale bread in a bag on the counter and used them to put together a sandwich.
Outside on the fire escape, the wind was strong. I wondered where the homeless were staying tonight, if they had a place to go when the weather turned bad.
The sandwich was dry, but I ate it anyway.
I didn’t taste a thing.
Rivers
“ W here are we going?” Megan is behind me, kicking my seat.
“To the river,” I say. “A spot I know.”
“But it’s dark out.”
“That’s the best time.”
Megan mumbles something I can’t hear, but Tanya hears it and turns around.
“I told you we’d take you to Julie’s. You didn’t have to come along.” She takes a penny from the center console and throws it at her. “You could’ve gone and played dollies with your friends.”
“We don’t play with dolls.”
Tanya turns back to the front. “Whatever.”
“Besides, Mom said you had to take me with you.”
I look at her in the rear view mirror. “Do you do everything your Mom tells you to do?”
Megan is quiet for a moment. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” I look over at Tanya. She smiles at me.
“You guys just want to be alone so you can do it.”
Tanya laughs and turns around. “What?”
“I said you guys want to do it. That’s why you don’t want me here.”
There’s an awkward silence. I keep my eyes on the road. One of my headlights is out, and I wonder if I’ll get pulled over tonight.
I can’t look at Tanya.
“You don’t even know what that means,” Tanya says.
“I do so.” Megan says. “I heard Mom talking about it. She said if she finds out, she’ll put bars on your windows and tie your knees together until you’re twenty.”
“Yeah, whatever.” Tanya takes a cigarette from her purse.
“You can’t smoke in here,” I say. “It’s my Dad’s car. He doesn’t smoke.”
She puts it back, and takes a beer from the brown bag by her feet. She opens the bottle and turns back toward Megan. “You better not say a word.”
Megan doesn’t answer. She’s leaning against the door, staring out into the darkness.
Tanya hands me the beer. “I know she’s going to say something. She lives to get me in trouble.”
“Naw,” I say, raising my voice. “She won’t say anything. She’s too cool for that, right, Megan?”
They both look at me like I’m an idiot. I decide to keep quiet until we get to the river.
~
When we pull into the parking lot Tanya gets out and lights a cigarette. She walks over to Megan,
Marjorie Pinkerton Miller