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And I’ve been known to go through other people’s medicine cabinets just to see what kinds
     of prescription drugs they’re taking.”
    I smile as Greg starts to laugh and slings his arm across my shoulders. I’ve accomplished my goal: make Greg feel less awkward
     over his silly flub. Imagine, inviting your girlfriend to stay with your mother. But then, this sort of brings me back to
     my original problem, which is how to get out of Darcy guilting me into staying at Tara.
    Okay, I shouldn’t joke about Darcy’s home. It’s not really Tara. Close, though. But it’s lovely. Gorgeous, if a bit pretentious.
     That’s my ex-husband for you. Darcy fits the home well, but then Darcy would fit a trailer or an apartment or a three-bedroom
     house in the suburbs. That’s just the kind of person she is. She’s adaptable and attempts to make everyone around her feel
     special.
    Still, that doesn’t mean I want to spend two weeks or two months or however long it’s going to take for my home to be fixed
     in her house. Darcy just doesn’t get it. To her, we’re just one big happy family. Especially since some major healing has
     taken place between Rick and me during the past few months. But just because I’m no longer considering hiring a hit man for
     the guy who cheated on me then left me to raise our kids alone, that doesn’t mean I want to sit across from him day after
     day at breakfast and supper and pretend I’m the long-lost sister come to visit. I’d rather max out my credit card on a clean
     but cheap hotel.
    Greg’s cell phone chirps out “Here I am to Worship” and he gives me a shrug. “Speak of the devil,” he whispers before expelling
     a cheery “Hello, Mom. We were just talking about you.” Hesitates. Frowns a little. “How’d you know?”
    My heart stops. How’d she know what?
    “Uh, yeah, she’s right here.” He hands over the phone. “Mom wants to talk to you.”
    I scowl and take the phone. “Hello, Mrs. Lewis.”
    “What have I told you about that?” her stern voice asks.
    “Sorry. Helen.”
    Greg chuckles and I punch him in the arm. He clamps his other hand to his arm as though I’ve mortally wounded him and pantomimes
     his pain, trying to crack me up. And it’s working. I’m forced to turn my back to him or laugh in his mother’s ear. And then
     I’d have to explain it. Better to just look away.
    “I hear we’re going to be roommates for a while,” she says.
    “Uh, well…” I’m fully aware of the fact that I’m blathering like a dum-dum. But what’s the deal with this woman? Radar?
     “I—what do you mean?”
    “I just got a call from Darcy, thanking me for putting you up for a while.”
    Darcy! That little sneak was checking out my story! I’m insulted, really. She thought I was lying? Well, okay, I guess I sort
     of was. But actually, Greg’s the one who brought it up. All I did was innocently jump on the bandwagon. I can hear my mother’s
     voice in my head, “Oh what tangled webs we weave…”
    “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot, Helen. Greg only mentioned it as a possibility. I’m in the process of making other
     arrangements.”
    “Don’t be silly. I’d be happy to have you stay. You can sleep in Greg’s old room.”
    She sounds genuine enough, but you never can tell for sure. Helen Lewis is from the school of polite society and un-wavering
     hospitality—the same one my mom attended.
    “I don’t know. I’m not even sure how long it’s going to take to fix.”
    She skitters away my concern. “I’ll be glad to have the company. There’s even plenty of room for you to bring your children
     with you as well.”
    “That’s kind of you. But they’re at their dad’s.” I can just imagine Darcy’s outcry if I try to take the kids to someone else’s
     home. She loves to keep the family close.
    “All right, then. Just you.”
    And just like that, I’m staying with Greg’s mom for an indefinite period of time.

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