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God wanted us right there , they say now: For Him .
    16.
    This is what I have been told: there was a white buffalo born some time ago…. The prophecies say that after this buffalo was born it would be followed by 5 bad years of natural disasters…. After this it will be followed by 5 good years. I feel if by that time balance is not restored we will then face world war 3.
    Shamandove Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada
    I saw her up ahead and I knew suddenly, with unchangeable certainty, that the woman was coming with me, that I was catching up to her and we were leaving together, dashing into another reality, somehow making everything different. This knowledge was a bright and shiny thing; it pushed me to run faster. My lungs burned and my heart thundered and I could feel the heat in my cheeks, the steam rising off my skin, but I kept after her and didn’t slow down and neither did she.
    We ran down Broadway for blocks and blocks, crossing Canal against the light and dodging angry honking cars. I just missed a Suburu, she almost got nailed by a green pickup, but we were undeterred, we ran on. We passed into the sprawl of Tribeca and the strange cleanliness of the financial district and then she veered. I followed, both of us slowing by now, still moving steadily but dragging slightly and before I knew it she was scattering pigeons in South Street Seaport and then we were on the docks and she stopped with the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ towers spread behind her, across the green river.
    She faced me and bent double and, rather than grab her, I did the same: keel over with my hands on my legs and my head down, the blood pounding so loud I could barely hear, and we both stood like that sucking air for a long while, or what seemed like a long while before she spoke.
    I don’t have it , she said.
    I raised my head and watched small stars swimming around her face and mine and everything faded to pale and then crashed back to color for a moment.
    What? I said.
    Whatever it is you want , she said, panting. I don’t have it
    17.
    I know God spoke to my brother Jack. Whispered things he couldn’t always translate, things he didn’t want to know, things he already did. My brother, Jack, talked back, begged to be left alone. Assured God that he didn’t want to tell the world anything, and pleaded for Him to go away. But God stayed, and when Jack was well he would tell us things,scraps of information, shavings of insight that floated through the air.
    And when Jack was not well he did what he could to keep himself from talking.
    At twenty, he pulled out all his teeth, one by one with my father’s pliers. I found him then. Sobbing. Kneeling on the pavement in the empty garage with a mouth full of blood, head bowed, hands between his knees. His teeth spread in a ring around him.
    He tried to cut out his own tongue. But that was later, in the hospital, and the staff intervened. By then he was difficult to understand.
    Haldol , he whispered. Please .
    It sounded like Goliath . People wrote these things down.
    Goliath , they whispered. He said Goliath. He’s talking about David, he’s referring to a metaphorical slingshot .
    But I understood my brother. I slipped him the pills. I stroked his damp brown hair and kissed his forehead.
    18.
    When they unplugged his machines, the room grew so quiet. Without the beep and pulse of electronics the only thing that told me he was alive were his eyes. He looked through me and he held my hand.
    I hate him , he said. All of the voices, but especially him .
    What other voices? I asked, but he slipped from me, leaving words in my head. I love you. I love you .
    I looked out at the moon hovering low over the hills and something jerked in between my ribs but I ignored it. Iadored my brother. Followed him around when I could and listened to what he told me to do. Always.
    But then I was alone. And I was so angry.
    19.
    I have a recurring dream of being