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back to the hospital in Charleston, and me and Gran stayed home just like we done when Mama birthed him. Doc Smythson had a woman cousin who lived close to the hospital, and Mama stayed there when she wasn’t with BJ.
    Me and Gran sure did miss them. When they finally got back, Mama and Gran tried to tell me about BJ’s sickness. I thought they said he had Sissy Fie Broke It. I figured some lady named Sissy broke his lungs. I used to get afeared that she would sneak into our house some night when we was all asleep and break my lungs, too.
    When I got bigger, Doc Smythson talked to me about it one time. He explained that BJ had cystic fibrosis. Ain’t no one that broke him. He got borned with it. Doc said BJ would always have that sticky, nasty stuff in his lungs that people get when they have a cold or the flu. And he would catch colds and flu easier than most people and get sicker when he had them. BJ’s body wouldn’t be able to use all the stuff it needed from food. That’s why he stayed real skinny, even though he always ate like he was half starved. Sissy Fie didn’t break his lungs, but that sickness sure broke all our hearts.
    God made Mama and Gran strong enough to bear their burdens. BJ stayed real strong about bearing his sickness. I wonder why God ain’t made me strong.

6

It’s about having nothing to do and my real smart brother
.
    S ATURDAY , N OVEMBER 28, 1953
    Aunt Ethel Mae done got herself another sick headache. Seems like she gets lots of them these days. “Don’t let no light in, Lydia,” she whispered to me. I brung her a cold cloth and closed all the curtains in her room.
    When she gets them headaches, she gets real pitiful-looking, with her face all chalky and her eyes shut tight. I put a bucket aside her bed in case she throws up. Today’s Saturday and Uncle William didn’t have to work at the coal mine. When she gets like that, he just says a bad word and takes off somewhere in his car. I ain’t sure where he goes, but my mind does get to wondering about it sometimes.
    I stayed here with Aunt Ethel Mae, waiting for her toget to feeling better. I wished I could go out for a walk in the woods. I figured I’d play with that big brown dog down the street. He always trots over to see me when I walk to and from school.
    I wish I could find me a kindred spirit in Confidence like Anne of Green Gables had. But I ain’t got no friends here at all. In Paradise, I went to a one-room school. Kids of all ages studied together. We was more like brothers and sisters than students that just happened to be in the same school. We played together at recess and after school, even if a couple of us had spats from time to time. I had me lots of good friends there.
    But in Confidence, the school is bigger. They’s three classrooms with three teachers, even though it’s one great big room with two thick curtain dividers to section off the classes. I be in the section for fifth and sixth graders with Mr. Hinkle on account of being in the sixth grade. The kids hang out in little groups at recess. I don’t know iffen any of them play together after school. I sure ain’t invited iffen they do.
    Today, when I tried to slip outside to get me some fresh air, Aunt Ethel Mae heared the screen door creaking. “Lydia, is that you?” she said in a real sad and quivery voice. “Could you be a dear and bring me some water?” I drug myself back inside, a-hanging my head like a whupped hound for trying to sneak off and leave her.
    I couldn’t even turn on the radio. She told me, “Lydia, turn that racket off. It makes me feel like somebody’s hitting me on the head with a hammer.” To be honest, itmakes a body glad for homework. At least then I had me something to do asides sitting real quiet on the couch.
    After we found out about BJ being sick, I done most of the taking care of him when I weren’t at school. Mama and Gran had work to do, so I didn’t mind none. Mama said I was just a little thing, but I could