Read Chester Fields for Free Online Page B

more like something that was able to exceed terminal velocity. I felt Chester’s presence begin to fade, then rapidly fade away, completely gone, and there I was.  I knew. I had fallen, yes, just like he talked about. That’s why I’ll be here forever. It’s the weight of my essence as he tried to elude to. Of course, I understand now; it’s all so simple.
    As well as he’d described it for me, it wasn’t even close. I understand this is not the joy Chester felt at the watchtower. This is different. This is emptiness. It’s eternity repeated over and over again. I‘m like a cloud, a vapor; a moving stream; a stream of … consciousness? Yes that is what I am. A feeling of doom comes over me, then hope. Can I somehow be rescued when I muse or fuse into someone’s mind? I can feel only the slightest pulls from the masses of energy that are all other things and beings, but those are fleeting...then gone. I want to go to them, to interact in some way, anyway. I keep asking myself can I go to them, all the while knowing the answer is no. I’m so terribly lonely already; and I so desperately want to feel, really sense, another’s . . . essence.  Someone, oh please; anyone. To feel any kind of connection to someone else; anyone! Now it’s easy to see the trouble of being here with just my thoughts, and only them. And I’m capable of so much thought. But the thoughts move so fast, and each one is crystal clear without all the static of everyday life. The static of stimulus; yes, that’s what it is. This is a stimulus deprivation tank times a trillion to the zillionth power. The static that normally goes through your mind from the brain just to maintain breathing even when you’re sleeping is more immense than one could ever imagine. Everything has now become so clear in my “mind?” without all that static. Incredibly clear. I’m guessing; no, I actually know; that freed from my body, from my brain, my “mind” is so much more powerful. But all that knowledge and thought is like, nothing. It just lies there, infinitely flat, with no stimulus, or impulse to drive it or use it. It just is. I am completely alone in an empty eternity. But, I still feel somewhat connected to my body or the remnants of my old life in some strange way. Enough so that I know I’ve only been here a mere several seconds, and I’ve already relived my entire life, over and over; countless times. In other words, my life has already flashed before my so called eyes, or I should say my mind, repeatedly for eternity. Each moment I exist here is eternity, again and again. Yet each time I relive my life, a little more of that feeling of connection to it, goes out of it. I’m panicking. I don’t know how I can feel panic when I’m a disembodied mind floating in the eternity of space, but I am. Oh, but I really do understand all that now, don’t I? Yes, I’m lying across and floating through, and spread out over the eternity of countless universes, there are an infinite number of points of singularity, universes both old and new; some before their big bang; some after they’ve expanded beyond infinity. It’s all part of this great nothingness. I am myself a singularity, yet I’m infinite as well! What will I do in here with nothing to do, and eternity to the power of eternity in which to do it in? How many zillions of times can I re-live my life in what would have been a week? Oh God, I know that too! Not that it matters. There is no time. It doesn’t yet exist where I am. Every thought I’ve ever had or will have takes place simultaneously. I can’t ever begin to get to an end with no time in which to start doing it in. There are no ends. There is no beginning. I don’t have a body, but still I’m heaving, weeping in agony; because each and every thought I’ve ever had has an eternity of its own to reflect on. Each thought is so broken up in one sense that it doesn’t even resemble a thought. It’s just there. Even though I