preparations—GO!
IT’S AROUND 12:45 A.M. WHEN I finish cleaning Mandy’s room and begin painting my nails. As I wait for my nails to dry, I wonder if there will be any more questions tonight.
After three minutes of drying, it is time to open my laptop again.
He wrote.
Calista,
What would you eat if you had a day when calories didn’t count?
-Dr. Blake
That is his question? At almost 1:00 in the morning?
Fast count. Onetwothreeclick.
Dr. Blake,
Nachos covered in melted cheese.
Why do you keep replying tonight? I’m sure you are well aware that I can’t go to sleep until my inbox is empty.
-Calista
Onetwothreesend.
What the hell? It’s Friday night. Doesn’t he have something else he could be doing? Sleeping, perhaps?
I remember that little dark-haired boy in the picture on his bookshelf. He’ll probably be up and ready to watch cartoons or something in just a few short hours.
DING. Another email.
Count. Click.
Calista,
Yes. I am aware. Just testing to see how long it takes you to offer some unsolicited information about your condition.
Good Night,
Dr. Blake
This was a test? Damn it.
I can’t shake my irritation as I continue my routine, folding, dusting, and scrubbing. Did he even need answers to those follow-up questions or were they just stupid pawns in his little game? {And here is Avril Lavigne with “Complicated.” } Shower. Cleaned. Shaved. Dried. Lotioned . {Avril begins her thirty-third rendition of the song. This one goes out to Dr. Aiden Blake.}
Finally, I get to the point where I can turn the television on. Spicy meatloaf tonight—doesn’t sound very appetizing. Doesn’t matter. Sleep.
Chapter 6
saturday
APPARENTLY, DR. BLAKE CLOCKS IN on Saturdays too. There is an email waiting for me when I wake up. He sent it at 7:00 a.m. Maybe that dark-haired little boy did get him up to watch some cartoons. I briefly wonder if his wife or girlfriend, or whoever the mother of that boy is, gets irritated that he works on the weekends.
All right. List number three coming up, no doubt.
Count. Click.
Calista,
Here is your third list.
1.) Drugs/Alcohol
2.) Money
3.) Flowers
What time is confession today?
-Dr. Blake
Why? Does he want to come? I can’t see how knowing the time will lead to any help in my treatment. Ugh!
Reply.
Dr. Blake,
1.) Drugs/Alcohol
I have never touched any drugs (nor will I).
It astounds me that people using drugs have such a blind eye when it comes to germs. Of course, I’m terribly appalled that anyone would voluntarily stick a needle into his or her skin and repulsed by the fact that that very needle might have just been lodged underneath someone else’s skin. However, I also find it disgusting that people merely pass a joint around in a circle without reflecting on the germ-infested—
I stop and sit, picking at my nail polish. I’m probably giving him too much information.
I quickly delete everything but my first sentence.
1.) Drugs/Alcohol
I have never touched any drugs.
I have one margarita every Friday night.
2.) Money
What does he want to know? My current checking account balance? Maybe he is asking for my bank account number like that stranger in Nigeria.
I smile at the thought. I won’t be giving that information to either of them, although I am giving this man all kinds of other information about myself that I don’t really tell anyone else…
Okay, money.
2.) Money
Some money saved to buy a house after grad school.
Trying to pay down undergraduate school loans.
Hmm…good enough.
3.) Flowers
Seriously? Flowers? I don’t know, Dr. Blake, what kind of flowers do you like to buy for that woman in the picture with your son? Does she like it when you ask your patients such date-like questions?
Calm down, Callie.