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series of murders at the great abbey of Finnbarr, she had had a wonderful feeling of freedom and then, returning to Cashel, of depression. She loved her child; she declared it fiercely to herself. Too fiercely? After his birth she had had all manner of depressive thoughts. She even began to question whether she was ready for marriage – marriage to anyone.
    Her mind turned quickly back to Eadulf. She had concerns for him. She was concerned that, under the law of her people, theirs was not a marriage of equals. She was of royal rank and Eadulf, being a foreigner, did not have equal property rights with her. Did Eadulf still feel resentment because of this? She knew that she could not really contemplate an existence without Eadulf’s support. Who else would tolerate her sharp temper, which she accepted was her biggest fault? She enjoyed Eadulf’s company, his friendship and his tolerance. Perhaps she had taken it all for granted and when, a few weeks ago, he had proposed his idea of a withdrawal from Cashel … well, bitter words were exchanged. After he had left Cashel, she had felt a curious
isolation, a loneliness, which she had tried to cover with her fierce determination to pursue the law.
    She wanted to apologise to Eadulf for her temper but, at the same time, she felt that she was right; that she should be allowed her individuality and the freedom to pursue her own path in life. She had no wish to dominate but she wanted a supportive partnership. Would Eadulf see an apology as surrender? She was growing more confused than ever.
    There was movement outside that caused her to look up from her meditation.
    Fidelma knew who it was as soon as she heard the footfall outside the door. A smile of excitement came to her lips, which she immediately sought to control. Before she could do so there was a knock and she had called out, ‘Come in, Eadulf.’
    Eadulf stood uncertainly on the threshold.
    In spite of her misgivings, Fidelma rose and moved towards him, both hands outstretched.
    ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said simply.
    ‘And I you,’ he replied slightly stiffly, although he responded to her embrace. She drew back, her eyes searching his.
    ‘You should know at once that I have asked Abbot Ségdae for his blessing on my withdrawal from the religious.’
    He was silent for a moment, his face expressionless.
    ‘I did not doubt that you would follow that course once you had set your mind to it. I assume that you are sure that this is what you want?’
    She turned back to the chair she had risen from, near the fire.
    ‘Close the door, Eadulf. Come and sit down.’ She waited until he was seated before continuing. ‘I am sure,’ she said simply. ‘This is what I must do.’
    ‘The status of a religious is not to be abandoned lightly,’ Eadulf observed with some sadness.

    ‘You know that I have never had any inclination to be a proselytiser of the Faith, to preach or teach, nor to spend my days in isolated contemplation or worship. I am a lawyer, Eadulf. That is my role in life.’
    ‘But being of the religious gives one security and status,’ he protested in a half-hearted fashion, aware that they had had this conversation many times.
    For a moment her eyes flashed. ‘I am a princess of the Eóghanacht. I am a dálaigh of the law courts of the Five Kingdoms. You know that I am no longer in need of such status.’
    Eadulf nodded slowly. ‘And soon you will be claiming the office of Chief Brehon of your brother’s kingdom.’
    ‘Who told you that?’ Fidelma’s voice was sharp.
    Eadulf smiled briefly, without real expression. ‘If you have taught me nothing else, you have taught me how to make a logical deduction. Once I heard that Brehon Baithen was ill and that the Council of Brehons will soon meet to discuss his successor, well …’ He ended with a slight motion of his left shoulder as if to dismiss it. ‘Has Abbot Ségdae given you his blessing?’
    Fidelma shook her head. ‘Not immediately. He