not to fight.
God, why? Why did you let this happen? Why?
Mama. Daddy. Mama, come find me. Take me home. I want to go home.
And Jenny's voice in my head again: I told you not to fight.
“Are you crazy?” I shouted. “How could I not fight? Why would you even say that?”
“Oh, Sarah.” Jenny's voice sounded infinitely weary, infinitely hopeless. “It won't hurt as much if you don't fight. He won't hurt you so much. It makes it easier.”
“But why? Why are they doing this? What kind of person does this?”
Jenny sighed. It sounded as if she was standing at her door. I could envision her pale, bony fingers curling around the bars. “Don't think about it. You'll go mad. Just survive. Survive...and pray. Eat your food, stay quiet, do what they say. Don't fight, and maybe you'll survive long enough that someone will find us.”
“I can't do this. I want to go home.”
“I know, Sarah. I know.”
The tears began to fall again, and I laid my head against the cool concrete and watched the TV without really seeing it, until my eyelids drifted closed and I drifted into sleep.
***
I was startled awake to my door rattling, and I immediately began to tremble, trying to make myself as small in the corner as I could. Maybe he wouldn't see me. Maybe he would just go away.
But it wasn't the man again. It was Travis. I watched, unable to move, as he walked over to me and knelt, setting a tray on the ground that held a bottle of juice and various first-aid supplies. Under his arm was a roll of cloth.
When he reached out to touch me, I flinched and cried out despite myself. He withdrew.
“I'm not going to hurt you.”
“Travis, what's going on? Why are you helping that man? Please, let me go!”
He shook his head. “I can't do that.”
“Why not?”
“Don't worry, Butterfly. It will be okay.”
Fresh tears started. “It's not okay!” I cried. “He hurt me!” I couldn't bring myself to say what came to my tongue next. He raped me.
Travis sighed. “I'll be right back.”
He got up and left, leaving the door ajar behind him. I heard keys rattle in a lock and he came back, followed by Jenny. I gasped when I saw her fully for the first time. Today her dark hair was bound in a messy braid that fell to her waist. She was clad in a simple nightgown much like the man had ripped off of me. She was thin, so scary thin. But what turned my stomach the most was the sight of her belly, swollen with pregnancy. She looked like she would give birth any day.
“Help her. I'll be outside.” Travis turned and walked out, locking the door behind him.
Jenny knelt on the floor where Travis had been a moment before. “Sarah?”
“You're pregnant.” It was a stupid thing to say. Obviously she knew that.
“I know. And if you want to survive, you will be soon, as well.” She didn't give me time to process this before she pulled the blanket off of my shoulder, exposing my nakedness. I squeaked and pulled it back. Jenny sighed and lowered herself painfully to the floor. “I need to clean the wounds or they will get infected. And you better believe The Master won't let you out for medical care.”
Numbly, I let her pull the blanket down. Gently, her touch as light as a feather, she dabbed alcohol on the cuts. She rubbed a sharp-smelling ointment into the bruises. She wrapped a bandage around my ribs where she thought one might be fractured.
She pressed the salve into my hands. “You'll want to keep this. Put it on your legs where he bruised you. It helps.”
I didn't know what else to say but “Thank you.”
She handed me the rolled up fabric, which turned out to be another nightgown. I eased it gingerly over my head and my bruises.
Jenny used the end of the
God, why? Why did you let this happen? Why?
Mama. Daddy. Mama, come find me. Take me home. I want to go home.
And Jenny's voice in my head again: I told you not to fight.
“Are you crazy?” I shouted. “How could I not fight? Why would you even say that?”
“Oh, Sarah.” Jenny's voice sounded infinitely weary, infinitely hopeless. “It won't hurt as much if you don't fight. He won't hurt you so much. It makes it easier.”
“But why? Why are they doing this? What kind of person does this?”
Jenny sighed. It sounded as if she was standing at her door. I could envision her pale, bony fingers curling around the bars. “Don't think about it. You'll go mad. Just survive. Survive...and pray. Eat your food, stay quiet, do what they say. Don't fight, and maybe you'll survive long enough that someone will find us.”
“I can't do this. I want to go home.”
“I know, Sarah. I know.”
The tears began to fall again, and I laid my head against the cool concrete and watched the TV without really seeing it, until my eyelids drifted closed and I drifted into sleep.
***
I was startled awake to my door rattling, and I immediately began to tremble, trying to make myself as small in the corner as I could. Maybe he wouldn't see me. Maybe he would just go away.
But it wasn't the man again. It was Travis. I watched, unable to move, as he walked over to me and knelt, setting a tray on the ground that held a bottle of juice and various first-aid supplies. Under his arm was a roll of cloth.
When he reached out to touch me, I flinched and cried out despite myself. He withdrew.
“I'm not going to hurt you.”
“Travis, what's going on? Why are you helping that man? Please, let me go!”
He shook his head. “I can't do that.”
“Why not?”
“Don't worry, Butterfly. It will be okay.”
Fresh tears started. “It's not okay!” I cried. “He hurt me!” I couldn't bring myself to say what came to my tongue next. He raped me.
Travis sighed. “I'll be right back.”
He got up and left, leaving the door ajar behind him. I heard keys rattle in a lock and he came back, followed by Jenny. I gasped when I saw her fully for the first time. Today her dark hair was bound in a messy braid that fell to her waist. She was clad in a simple nightgown much like the man had ripped off of me. She was thin, so scary thin. But what turned my stomach the most was the sight of her belly, swollen with pregnancy. She looked like she would give birth any day.
“Help her. I'll be outside.” Travis turned and walked out, locking the door behind him.
Jenny knelt on the floor where Travis had been a moment before. “Sarah?”
“You're pregnant.” It was a stupid thing to say. Obviously she knew that.
“I know. And if you want to survive, you will be soon, as well.” She didn't give me time to process this before she pulled the blanket off of my shoulder, exposing my nakedness. I squeaked and pulled it back. Jenny sighed and lowered herself painfully to the floor. “I need to clean the wounds or they will get infected. And you better believe The Master won't let you out for medical care.”
Numbly, I let her pull the blanket down. Gently, her touch as light as a feather, she dabbed alcohol on the cuts. She rubbed a sharp-smelling ointment into the bruises. She wrapped a bandage around my ribs where she thought one might be fractured.
She pressed the salve into my hands. “You'll want to keep this. Put it on your legs where he bruised you. It helps.”
I didn't know what else to say but “Thank you.”
She handed me the rolled up fabric, which turned out to be another nightgown. I eased it gingerly over my head and my bruises.
Jenny used the end of the
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