Read Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three) for Free Online Page B

It’s been for…” and then she suddenly stopped, her eyes raising slowly up from her phone, her mouth open as her eyes got wide and she stared at me. “I’m sorry,” she winced quietly as if the awkwardness of the situation was just registering with her. “I got too excited and I didn’t even think about you two.”
    “You’re fine, Mandy,” I said and then her gaze moved to Jesse and he smiled easily.
    “It’s okay,” he added.
    “Should I send the text then?”
    “It’d be nice to see Holly,” Jesse said and a little part of me cringed because I’d been hoping he’d say no.  I didn’t know if I really wanted to hang around like old times.  I’d put the past behind me, but having Jesse so close didn’t make it easy to forget how he’d broken my heart.  When we’d said goodbye that day at the airport, I’d been hopeful about our future. I knew it wouldn’t be the future I’d envisioned and I was terrified of spending the thirteen weeks he’d be at boot camp apart, but I knew when he got done, our life could be some kind of crazy adventure.  When he’d said goodbye to me, I hadn’t expected thirteen weeks apart to turn into forever.  I’d replayed our goodbye about a million times in my head and looking back, I realized I shouldn’t have been as shocked by his letter as I was. 
    “ Don’t forget how incredible you are.  You’re going to have an amazing life.  Take care of yourself and remember how special you are.  You’re gonna be alright.”  
    The words he’d said to me as we said goodbye at the airport churned over and over and I understood he’d been telling me goodbye then, I just hadn’t wanted to hear him.  His letter had made it perfectly clear though:  
     
    Dear Riley,
    Let me start by telling you how much I love you. I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you. You are the best friend I’ve ever had and I will miss you more than you could possibly know.
    I’ll never forget when I first saw you sitting in Mr. Barry’s class, looking bothered and annoyed, but you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I think you already know this, but I fell in love with you that day.  The time we’ve spent together have been the best of my life, even if it’s been hell lately.
    I had to leave Carver because I can't be the one that drags you down with me as I try and find my way. I love you too much to do that and while you may not see it now, you’ll realize it’s for the best. You deserve to be young and happy. You deserve to have a normal college experience. You don't need a boyfriend half a world away dampening your life. You need to laugh and have fun. If this summer has taught me one thing, it’s that you deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who can offer you more than I can. I could have been that someone, but since my dad died, I've been broken. You’re too good for me.
    I realized this that day I walked in on you and Matt in the flower shop.  You were so beautiful and happy and you didn't even realize I was watching you. You were smiling and laughing and I realized I couldn't remember the last time we'd laughed like that together. You deserve to laugh and be happy. You deserve someone who can give that to you.
    I’m sorry for saying goodbye this way, for taking the coward’s way out, but I couldn’t stand to see the look on your face as I tried to explain and I needed the opportunity to say this without interruption. I never hurt so much as when you're hurt and I’m sorry that I’m hurting you, even though I promised I never would. So, it turns out, not only am I coward, but a liar as well.  I guess it’s just more proof that I’m not good enough for you.
    I will never forget our time together and all the memories that I will take with me wherever I go. Please live your life and be happy. That’s all I want for you because you deserve everything you want in life. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you. I