Read Callahan's Place 09 - Callahan's Con (v5.0) for Free Online Page B

years later.   Six months ago, she retired and moved away.”  
    I finished my Irish coffee.   “It’s not just an expression.   I can actually feel my eyeballs glazing over.”
    “Her successor is a professional chairwarmer named Dhozi Pilok.”
    “If this conversation goes on much longer, they’re going to be big glass marbles—”
    “You lost your marbles a long time ago!” Harry the Parrot crowed.   (Um.)
    “He’s got you there, Jake,” Alf said.
    Erin raised her volume just enough to regain control of the discussion.   “Nearly done now.   Superintendent Pilok’s mistress is Field Inspector Ludnyola Czrjghnczl—ah, multiculturalism!—which basically means she has a mandate to do any goddam thing she feels like doing within the world of Florida education.   And as I suspected, Ludnyola turns out to be the third cousin twice removed of Smithtown Town Inspector Jorjhk Grtozkzhnyi.   With Ukrainians, that makes them as close as, say, an Italian brother and sister.”
    “Terrific.”   I sighed.   “Well, at least now I understand why th—what’s wrong, honey?”
    To my consternation Erin suddenly burst into tears.   “Oh, Pop— it’s all my fault .”
    Automatically I got up and put my arms around her.   “What the hell are you talking about?   The only thing in the round world that’s all your fault is that damn tattoo.”
    In the midst of crying she couldn’t help smiling at that line, which of course was why I’d said it.   But the smile lasted for less than a second.   “Remember the day we left Long Island?”
    “Vividly,” I assured her.
    “What’s the very last thing I did?”
    I thought about it.   “Uh…”
    “Just as we were pulling away.”
    Suddenly I remembered.   “Oh, hell yeah—that was beautiful!   Old Nyjmnckra Grtozkzhnyi came waddling out to the roadside to see us all leave, to gloat over having driven us out of the state, and as I drove past her, you—”
    “I gave her the finger.”
    I laughed out loud remembering it.   So did Ralph, who’d been there on our bus at the time.   Erin had still been in diapers, back then: Nyjmnckra’s expression had been something to see.
    “And she fainted dead away, fell over on her back and made an angel in the snow,” Erin said, and I laughed even harder.
    And then stopped.   I began to see what she meant.   “And you think her nephew Jorjhk has been hunting us ever since, planning his revenge.”
    She nodded against my shoulder.   “Oh Papa, I knew even then.   Less than two years old, and I already knew it was a mistake to do that.”   Her arms tightened around me.   “I was just so mad at Ms. Grtozkzhnyi.”
    “Hell, so was I, honey.   That silly woman ruined everything we had.   And all I ever did to her was answer the door.   Spilling that beaker of piss on her was totally accidental—”
    “Sure.   But don’t you remember what Lady Sally said about vengeance?”
    I shook my head.
    “She said, ‘Vengeance is counterproductive, always.   Not to mention the fact it gets your soul all sticky.’   I should have remembered.   But I was too angry at Nyjmnckra,   for hurting you and Mom.”
    I hugged her even harder.   “Hard to think straight when you’re mad.”
    “Honest to God, Pop,” she said, “sometimes I really wonder about evolution.   The whole fight-or-flight business…I just don’t understand it.   I can’t remember one time when adrenalin ever helped me in a crisis.   Usually it spoils my judgment, makes my knees tremble and my hands shake, makes my voice sound quavery and unthreatening, and screws up my reflexes.   Wouldn’t you think anger would make you smarter ?   Calmer?   Instead it’s a cliche that if you can get your opponent angry, you have the fight half won.   The natural, hardwired human response to sudden crisis is to drop IQ points.   How did we ever last this long?”
    Fast Eddie spoke up.   “Da madder ya get, da less effective ya get.