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locked the door. “I’m fine,” she cried. “I just want some privacy, Mom.”
    “You’re crying again. I just want to help you. Please let me in.”
    “I want to go home. I miss Daddy and Shannon and I miss Flannel and I miss my bed!” she cried out.
    “Oh, Carrie, we’ll be arriving at Sam’s today and Flannel will be there waiting for us. We can’t keep doing this. Please open the door and let’s get dressed and go. We can stop and grab a bite on the way. The sooner we get moving the sooner you’ll see Flannel.”
    The door opened and Carrie held up her hand as her mom moved forward to hug her. “Please don’t, Mom—just let me get dressed, okay? I don’t want a hug; it really doesn’t make me feel any better. I need to call Daddy. I need to hear his voice.”
    Brenda stood frozen as her daughter brushed past her. This entire move had been filled with emotional highs and lows. She was having her own anxiety about relocating. Would she be able to go back to the casino work she had enjoyed in New Jersey? Or would she be changing linens and taking reservations at a resort with her best friend Sam? How could she ever be happy with Carrie so miserable? She held back her own tears and began gathering clothes. Hotels used to represent fun and adventure, now they just felt like continual packing and unpacking on a journey filled with uncertainty.

     

    Friday, June 27:
    I think Brianna is Shannon’s new best friend. When we spoke on the phone she said they were going to the beach. Brianna’s okay and all, but Shannon never used to hang out with her. Brianna’s the best kid on the gymnastics team and maybe Shannon will just forget about me now. Who cares about any of this? I don’t want to think of Shannon today. I hope she calls again soon.
    I had another flying dream. I called Dad and told him about it. He says I am working out my troubles in my dreams. I think I’m just having cool dreams about flying. I told him how much I hate my life and he says that it will all get better soon. Grownups always say that. But he sure isn’t happy and neither is Mom, so when will it all get better? He says he will see me during a holiday. That seems like a million years away. I hate this stupid car trip and dumb hotel people who always ask me: “Is everything all right?” No, it’s not all right, okay? So go away and smile at somebody else. Geez. Today we’ll get to the new place. I can’t wait to see Flannel. When I get there I’m gonna take a long walk with her and not talk to anybody, maybe forever. Maybe I’ll pretend I can’t speak and then they’ll just leave me alone. I hope Flannel and I get lost and we can just go live alone together in a cave somewhere. I bet all those kids in Stupid-ville, Nevada, don’t even have bikes. They probably stare at their stupid brown desert-dirt all day.

     

    She tucked her journal into her backpack and pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes. She liked to pretend that the dark frames made her invisible, as if she could watch everyone around her but they couldn’t see her. Walking back to the car she kicked an old crumpled brown bag laying beside the road. She was reminded of her dream, the one about the brown withered crops. Her mom had told her to take a walk and that usually meant she probably needed a break herself. Carrie was learning that people stuck in cars for hours sometimes got irritable and somehow her mom could always sense when they needed time apart. Her mom would go meditate somewhere in a quiet spot while Carrie would find a place to jot down her thoughts. Sometimes she would draw pictures and occasionally write poems but lately she seemed to only write about how awful she felt.
    “So about my dream last night,” said Carrie as she got into the car.
    “Don’t tell me,” said her mother. “What was it this time…aliens or fields of polka dots?”
    “Ha ha. Real funny, Mom. It’s not polka dots, it’s patchwork.”
    “Wow,” said Brenda.