that because you dropped it, because it was yours?â He smiled and held his hands out in front of him as if to say, Why are we still talking about this?
âI donât know,â I said. âMaybe I did, but I still havenât worked out how.â
âI donât get why thatâs hard. People drop things all the time.â
I got the feeling he was beginning to wonder about meâabout my sanity, I mean. I said, âItâs a picture of my brother, and my brother is dead.â I hoped really hard he wasnât going to say something cushiony.
âGod, Iâm sorry,â he said, and then, âCan I get you a drink?â
Part cushion, part nothing, which was fine.
I propped my bike against a wall and sat down in the doorway of the ambulance. While Harper was lifting thelid off the little hidden stove and filling a kettle by pressing his foot down on the floor, I said, âDo you see why itâs weird? That I never saw it before and you found it and itâs of him?â
He said he really hadnât meant to freak me out. He said, âI guess you owned it without knowing.â
âYeah, but even thatâs doing my head in. I wouldnât have it and then forget about it. Itâs a really amazing photo.â
âItâs a mystery,â he said. âI get it. You want to solve it.â
We sat on the floor of the van with the back doors open and our feet on the ground. The tea was some spicy, gingery thing that came out of a packet covered in proverbs, but it tasted quite good.
He said, âHave you always lived around here?â
âNorf London girl,â I said, and he laughed.
âUpstate New York boy.â
I didnât know what to say about New York. Iâd never been there. I didnât know what upstate meant. I said, âWow,â or something just as vacant, and then I asked him how old he was. Eighteen last August, three months older than Jack. I said, âHow did you get it together to do all this, leave home and travel around and everything?â
âI always wanted to do it,â he said. âThe worldâs so big, you got to start early. I wanted to get moving, get away.â
âGet away from what?â I said, and he shrugged.
âEverything and nothing. I just wanted to move.â
I was rolling a bit of gravel around under my shoe. âEverything,â I said. âIâd like to get away from that too.â
There was a football match going on in the sports fields opposite. We could just see the playersâ heads bobbing around above the level of the wall.
âJust so you know,â he said, âit turns out not to be possible.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âOh, I donât know. Youâre always gonna be youâdoesnât matter where in the world you are.â
I thought of Jackâs â too deep warning light ,â this thing he used to say when anyone got a bit of self-help on him, a bit âroad less traveled.â It made me smile. If Iâd known Harper better, Iâd have told him what was so funny. I asked him where heâd been so far.
âI flew from New York to Paris. I wanted to go by boat, but it costs way too much. I wanted to be in the middle of an ocean. Nothing but water for weeks, see if I went crazy. Maybe another time. I stayed with a friend in Montparnasse for a while. Then I got the train here. I havenât been doing this too long. Iâm pretty new at it.â
âWhere are you going next?â
âI just got here, so nowhere for a month or so. Iwant to go to Scotland, Norway, and Spain, and, well, wherever. Plus Iâve got to work when I can, when the moneyâs low. Weâll see. What about you?â
âOh, nothing, nowhere,â I said. âI havenât done anything yet.â He seemed to find that funny so I didnât tell him it wasnât a joke.
He asked me about