look down at … what? I don’t know, but I know I can’t watch him break down the walls. I can feel myself wanting him, wanting to fall, but I can’t let myself. I wouldn’t have anyone to pick up the pieces, not like I did before. I know I can’t do it alone again; it would break me for good.
“Don’t hide. Look at me,” he says, with a voice that makes me instantly obey.
I look up to find a face that I can’t read, and it scares the living shit out of me. There was a second where I thought I saw sadness in his face, but that was gone the moment I locked eyes with him. We sit and stare at each other, until the waiter breaks the spell and brings our food. We eat in silence, just sharing looks the rest of the meal.
I tell him I can pay for my meal. He slowly looks at me and gives me a look that says I better not even think about it. So I dropped it. We walk to his car and he opens the door for me. His hand grazes my arm and it gave me chills all over.
He starts the car and turns to look at me. He just sits there, not making a move to leave. Puzzled, I ask, “What now?”
He chuckles. “You have to tell me where you live, sweetheart.”
“Oh … um …” I look around. I don’t even know where we are. I hope he knows where the college is because I don’t know the address, either. “Do you know where UT is?”
He scrunches his eyebrows together. “Please tell me you know where it is and how to get there.”
“No,” I say in a small voice, hanging my head. This is embarrassing.
“Karaline, you seriously just went and ate with a stranger, and you don’t even know how to get back to your dorm room? I could have been some serial rapist for all you know.” He sounded irritated.
Rapist? Oh, my god. One word, and it all comes back. Aaron laughed at me when I told him I was raped. He told me that I was lying and I probably asked for it because I was a whore. That was the only time I had ever said the word “raped”. I refused to believe that was what happened, even though I knew that it was.
My hands started to shake, my breathing accelerated. I think I’m having a panic attack. Everything around me is a blur. To think I could be so stupid as to get in a car with a stranger after what happened to me with someone I knew! How stupid can I be?
“Karaline, are you okay?!” he said sounding worried.
I don’t look at him. He reaches for my arm, but I flinch away and he backs off. I remember that Lauren said she knew him, and she told the security guy to not kick him out. If she thinks he’s a good guy, then why am I freaking out? Because I don’t even know my roommate that well to start off with, and I really don’t know who this guy is. I am sitting in his car and don’t know where I’m at in the city. I am so stupid.
“Hey?” he said, in a softer tone.
“L-Lauren said she knew you, that you were a good guy.”
“Lauren?” he said, looking confused. “Oh, is that your friend?”
OH, MY GOSH! She lied! “I’m s-sorry. I have to go. I’ll find my own way back.” I open the door, jump out, and start walking. I’ve gotten myself into this mess; I’m sure nothing else can happen.
I start to walk faster, as I hear his door slam. Shit! This is where he grabs me, pulls me back into his car, and has his way with me. Please God, not again. I don’t know why this can be happening to me twice.
“Kara!” he yells.
It didn’t take much for him to catch up with me. He grabs my arm to get me to stop. I shrink back, waiting for the blows or for him to drag me back to the car. That night flashes through my mind … the look on Jeremy’s face, the headlights, blow after blow. I can feel myself freaking out, but I can’t stop it. Then the sickness comes. When the past likes to revisit my present, I get sick. I make it to the side of the building and let everything come up in their flower bed.
“Hey … it’s okay. What’s wrong?” He sounds genuinely concerned, but it could
Alexandra Swann, Joyce Swann