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only about three minutes. Then we sneak out of the apartment through a crawl space underneath the house. I have to get to the park. I’ve been waiting weeks for this day, and I’m not about to let Earl’s strange appetites ruin it for me.
    By the time we get to the park, I’m feeling a little better. It’s a warm day for the season, so I take off my hoodie, and three girls notice immediately. They start flirting with me. It takes my mind off Earl, so I flirt back. Just a glance here. A half smile there.
    Kim sinks into the background, seeks out the swings when the girls work up the courage to approach. They’re in high school. Juniors, they say as they flip their hair. They talk and laugh and play the usual games.
    One looks kind of like Dutch. Maybe that’s the real reason I’m entertaining them. She is like an older version of her, since Dutch is only ten. This girl isn’t quite so pretty, but she has the same hair color, dark brown. And her eyes are a similar shape, almond and catlike, though hers are blue gray and Dutch’s are gold. But that’s okay. I don’t think of Dutch that way. At least I don’t think I do. I find myself drawn to this girl because of the resemblance. Not sure what that makes me.
    They ask if I will settle a bet for them. They want to know who the best kisser is.
    It’s a lie. They never had a bet. But I don’t mind. They’re pretty, especially the dark one. And kissing can be fun under the right circumstances.
    Since I’m killing time anyway, we go to a grouping of trees just past the swings. Kim eyes me, worried. I avoid her probing gaze. She bites her lip and lets the swing sway back and forth as we disappear behind bare, weathered timber.
    I’m sore and I try not to wince when we walk up an incline, where I drop my hoodie on the ground. I put my hands in my jeans pockets. Lean against a cottonwood. And wait for them to make the first move. Because they always make the first move.
    The first contestant walks up. A pretty blonde with thick eyeliner and clear lip gloss.
    “Ready?” she asks. Her heart is beating fast. It pounds in my ears.
    I nod.
    A shy smile spreads across her face and she leans in. Presses her mouth to mine. Then her body. I don’t miss the fact that her hips rub against my crotch during the kiss. A kiss she deepens by sliding her tongue inside my mouth. She tastes like peaches. I leave my hands in my pockets. This is their game. It’s up to them how far they want to take it.
    And then it happens. It happens every time. The fall.
    When someone is kissing me or groping me or, hell, even going down on me, when they lose all sense of reality, they fall into a state of absolute bliss. They lose themselves in the act. They abandon all their inhibitions.
    I thought it was the same for everyone, but it’s not. Earl doesn’t do that when he kisses Sarah. Only with me. Not that we kiss. Fuck that.
    I’ve watched others, too. They get excited, but they never fall completely, and I wonder if it’s the evil part of me doing it to them.
    Either way, this girl has fallen. Her breaths quicken and she claws at me, wanting more. I wince when her nails rake across my stomach, but I don’t stop her. She breaks off the kiss only because one of her friends shoves her softly to get her attention.
    Then the girl starts giggling. “This is a contest. We all get a turn.”
    The contestant snaps out of it but doesn’t want to leave me. Her soft eyes gaze into mine. Drunk. Swimming with desire. Still not 100 percent back. Her lips are pink and plump from her excitement. Her friends give her another shove and she stumbles to the side.
    Next up is the other blonde. She is bolder. More confident. She kisses me hard. Presses into me harder. The bark scratches my back, but her fingernails are worse. She’s pretending at first. Putting on her best show. Trying to impress. But soon she does the fall thing, too. She breathes in slowly, enjoying the taste of me. Captivated, her muscles