Read Break Me for Free Online Page B

anything.
    I grabbed Jared’s hand. I needed something, someone to hold on to and since he’d started this, he was the unfortunate one. “I hate you for this,” I whispered.
    “Not really,” he whispered back.
    Bastard. He was right, but no way would I tell him that. He hadn’t looked smug or cocky, but I didn’t want him to start. I’d keep my real thoughts about him to myself a while longer.
    Then again, he probably already knew. He was sharp like that, intuitive. Attuned to me, like an invisible tether linked us, bound us together. That hadn’t happened in so long, but then I hadn’t allowed it to happen. Not since the day Tim told me he would spank me.
    It was odd. For years I’d avoided even thinking his name, afraid of how I would feel, afraid that I’d break down if I did. In my mind, since his death had hit me, I’d only thought of him as He . It was the most I could do and still stay sane.
    His name didn’t haunt me as I thought it would. The more I used it, even if it was just in my head, the walls crumbled a little bit more.
    “How long are we going to stand here?” I asked Jared. Thinking his name, saying his name held a completely different feel and it was that feeling I was most scared of. He squeezed my hand and I was glad for his strength.
    “As long as you want.”
    A smile, small and nearly imperceptible on the outside, touched my lips. He’d do it, too. He’d stand against the doors for as long as I wanted to stand there. He was unlike any man I knew, even Tim. Jared was patient, kind, gentle with me. But he’d be hard and rough, too, if I wanted that.
    I squeezed his hand back and took a step forward. Then, another. And more until we were standing at the top of the stairs that would take us to the basement where the private rooms were. Tears clogged my throat. I wasn’t sure I could make it. Fear locked my knees tight. “Have you been down there before, “ I asked Jared. Maybe if I talked to him, I’d get through it.
    “Yes. A few times. That’s where your picture is.”
    “Have you played with anyone?” I didn’t want to know, but at the same time, I did.
    “Yes.”
    “Do you spank?” I took the first riser down.
    “Yes, I do. Very much.”
    “What do you like to use?” Another descending step, and a third.
    “A belt.”
    “Tim never used a belt. Always a flogger.”
    “Then I’ll be the first. I like that.” Confidence poured from him and that’s what I needed. He talked to me and that’s what I needed, too. He took each step with me until we landed at the bottom.
    The third room down was the one. The spanking bench sat against the back wall in a corner. That night, those moments leading up to the news that Tim was gone came rushing back. My chest hurt so bad right then I thought it would explode.
    “He liked me in body stockings. Lace, fishnet, sheer materials. He loved them all. And heels. The higher the better. He loved me in feminine things even though he knew they made me uncomfortable.”
    “Why uncomfortable?”
    “My size.” I was a big girl. I still am, just older, and the weight has shifted since I’d been alone. I’ve worked a lot and was on my feet moving so much of the day. I couldn’t sit still. I had to always move.
    My hips were still wide and my behind was big and jiggled. My legs were more toned than they’d ever been, but they were still thick. My belly had flattened slightly and my waist had become a little more defined. My chest was a double D, produced incredible cleavage, and my arms were slimmer than they used to be from all the moving of boxes over the years.
    “My plus size figure is something that I was never comfortable displaying in lingerie. That night, me in this room with an audience, the spanking he had planned that would make me jiggle everywhere. He knew it would be hard for me, but he loved me, no matter my size and he wanted me to see that others would find me beautiful, too. That they would accept my size nearly