Read Break Free & Be Broken for Free Online Page B
Authors: Eros Winter
wanted to spend the rest of my days; I hardly had a clue what to do with my weekends. I sure as hell wasn't ready to start forging my future, so I didn't. I started floating instead.
The floating didn't last for long. There was a gold lining to the disappearance of my ‘friends.’ Unencumbered by the influence of others, the fog that was shrouding my existence began to burn up, giving me a clearer view of the world around me. I saw everything resting on a tilted track. I was sick of being young; I was sick of being dumb; but that’s all anyone seemed to know how to do. I was sunk to my knees in quicksand, and it was plain to see that I needed to find a way out and fast or I’d risk becoming stuck forever, so I put my mind to the task of discovering how to get free.
At first, all I knew were two things: I didn't want to do something average-I was beyond sick of the common route!- and I was angry. Hate was blossoming within me-an unexpected response to my surroundings-and that hate was stirring violence. I needed to get the hell out of where I was. I needed an escape! And that’s when I knew.
I was going to become a Navy Seal: the best of the best.
The idea was so shiny and luminous I couldn't understand how I hadn't thought of it before. Everything about it was perfect! It was a path on which I could max out my potential and be the best I could be, a path that could provide me with relief from the murderous anger I wore like a skin, and best of all, it was a path out: a way to sidestep the mold that was growing around me.
Having decided, the first order of business was to train. I wanted to ensure I was ready for the rigorous sorting process one has to go through to reach the top tier of the United States Special Forces before I joined-I was not going to try only to fail!- so I decided to take a year to prepare.
It was the best year of my life.
I became absolutely and completely dedicated to the cause of excellence. Improvement and growth were my only concerns, and I chased them down with wild abandon. I became a ghost to the world and I loved it. Left free to my own devices, I managed to accomplish more in that year than any other period of my life. I was healthy! I was fit! I was physically and mentally strong! By the time I was ready to join, I was a new man.
When I went in to talk to the recruiter, I told him straight up I had a messy past. On top of the drug use I participated in, I also had some legal trouble, including a felony. I was 15 when it happened, but I was still nervous about it. The recruiter waved my concerns aside, telling me that honesty was the best policy and to lay it all on the table, so that's exactly what I did. I was assured that if I did well on all the entrance tests it would be no problem getting me in. I trusted those words. I scored above perfect on the fitness test, in the 94th percentile on the written, and, since I was absent of even a single health issue, I blew past the physical with flying colors. To put it modestly, I was overqualified.
It wasn't enough. The day came to get my contract and I was informed that the Navy wasn't currently accepting anyone with 'serious misconduct.' There just wasn't enough going on, they told me. 'Come back if there's a war.'
I'll never forget the fat, four eyed piece of shit getting his contract the same day. I tested with the mother fucker. He was weak, unmotivated, and dumb as a fucking rock, yet the Navy considered him a more worthy candidate than me. In their eyes, he was my superior.
In that moment, I learned something about life; something I never, ever, ever wanted to learn: dreams are only for sleep.
I fucking floundered.
As lost as I'd ever been and in dire need of relief, I plunged myself back into the world, only to be sickened by the stench of it. Nothing had changed. Everyone was still doing the same shit we were doing in high school-same parties, same people, same places-only now those things had wrinkled and grayed. I couldn't
The floating didn't last for long. There was a gold lining to the disappearance of my ‘friends.’ Unencumbered by the influence of others, the fog that was shrouding my existence began to burn up, giving me a clearer view of the world around me. I saw everything resting on a tilted track. I was sick of being young; I was sick of being dumb; but that’s all anyone seemed to know how to do. I was sunk to my knees in quicksand, and it was plain to see that I needed to find a way out and fast or I’d risk becoming stuck forever, so I put my mind to the task of discovering how to get free.
At first, all I knew were two things: I didn't want to do something average-I was beyond sick of the common route!- and I was angry. Hate was blossoming within me-an unexpected response to my surroundings-and that hate was stirring violence. I needed to get the hell out of where I was. I needed an escape! And that’s when I knew.
I was going to become a Navy Seal: the best of the best.
The idea was so shiny and luminous I couldn't understand how I hadn't thought of it before. Everything about it was perfect! It was a path on which I could max out my potential and be the best I could be, a path that could provide me with relief from the murderous anger I wore like a skin, and best of all, it was a path out: a way to sidestep the mold that was growing around me.
Having decided, the first order of business was to train. I wanted to ensure I was ready for the rigorous sorting process one has to go through to reach the top tier of the United States Special Forces before I joined-I was not going to try only to fail!- so I decided to take a year to prepare.
It was the best year of my life.
I became absolutely and completely dedicated to the cause of excellence. Improvement and growth were my only concerns, and I chased them down with wild abandon. I became a ghost to the world and I loved it. Left free to my own devices, I managed to accomplish more in that year than any other period of my life. I was healthy! I was fit! I was physically and mentally strong! By the time I was ready to join, I was a new man.
When I went in to talk to the recruiter, I told him straight up I had a messy past. On top of the drug use I participated in, I also had some legal trouble, including a felony. I was 15 when it happened, but I was still nervous about it. The recruiter waved my concerns aside, telling me that honesty was the best policy and to lay it all on the table, so that's exactly what I did. I was assured that if I did well on all the entrance tests it would be no problem getting me in. I trusted those words. I scored above perfect on the fitness test, in the 94th percentile on the written, and, since I was absent of even a single health issue, I blew past the physical with flying colors. To put it modestly, I was overqualified.
It wasn't enough. The day came to get my contract and I was informed that the Navy wasn't currently accepting anyone with 'serious misconduct.' There just wasn't enough going on, they told me. 'Come back if there's a war.'
I'll never forget the fat, four eyed piece of shit getting his contract the same day. I tested with the mother fucker. He was weak, unmotivated, and dumb as a fucking rock, yet the Navy considered him a more worthy candidate than me. In their eyes, he was my superior.
In that moment, I learned something about life; something I never, ever, ever wanted to learn: dreams are only for sleep.
I fucking floundered.
As lost as I'd ever been and in dire need of relief, I plunged myself back into the world, only to be sickened by the stench of it. Nothing had changed. Everyone was still doing the same shit we were doing in high school-same parties, same people, same places-only now those things had wrinkled and grayed. I couldn't