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wash the filth off me, and I had to tell Mama what had happened. I had to make her understand what her Mr. Griffin had done. Troubled and afflicted as her mind was, surely she could see what an evil man he was.
    As I got to my feet and turned toward the house, I was startled to see Mama standing under the poplar tree at the edge of the yard looking toward us. I didn’t know how long she had been there. She might have just come out of the house and seen me getting up from the grass, or she might have watched the whole thing.
    I felt so ashamed for what had happened, and I felt ashamed that Mama might have seen it. She was not well and I didn’t know what she might do. Mr. Griffin lurched away from me toward the barn, brushing his clothes and patting his hair in place.
    As I walked toward Mama I began to cry. It was like the worst thing in the world had happened and I was afraid to look Mama in the face. Everything was twisted. The air was twisted and the day was wrenched around. I sobbed as I got closer to Mama. I wanted her to take me in her arms. As I reached out to her she hissed, “You hussy! You shameless girl!”
    â€œNo,” I said, and tried to take her elbows in my hands. But Mama flung my hands away and slapped me hard, and then she raked my cheeks with her fingers, cutting the skin.

T WO
    A FTER M AMA TURNED AWAY from me and ran toward the house, I stood under the poplar tree sobbing. My cheeks were bleeding and my tears stung the cuts Mama’s nails had made. Mr. Griffin had disappeared into the barn and I was alone in the yard between the house and hogpen.
    I was soiled and disgusting. I had to wash myself off and I had to get away. I wanted to die. I stumbled toward the pine woods and fought my way through the brush and limbs. I knocked briars and vines out of the way like they were hands reaching for me. When I got to the creek I knelt on rocks and began to wash myself with the cold water.
    Maybe it was the surprise of the creek water on my face that made me stop crying. It felt like I had been blinded and the cold water made me see again. And I saw that things had gotten so bad and desperate that I had to think clearly. I had to be cunning if I was to survive. Mr. Griffin was evil and Mama was insane.
    I washed my face and my arms and legs. I washed between my legs with the cold creek water. I tried to get the mud off my torn dress and Ipicked mud out of my hair. I cleaned myself as best I could and looked at my swollen, streaked face in the water, and then I sat on a rock and planned what I would do.
    It was impossible to ever go back and live as we had before. Mama had attacked me. Mr. Griffin had violated me. I had no choice but to leave. I shivered as it got dark and cold, and I saw what I must do.
    First I crept back to the shed at the edge of the yard and took a pair of shears Mama used to snip flowers. While there was still a little light, I knelt over a pool in the creek and cut my hair shorter. Hair fell in hanks into the water, floated for a while, and then sank. I tried to make my hair look like a boy’s.
    After it was dark I crawled and crept back through the thicket to the edge of the yard. I was cold and sore but no longer crying.
    There was a light in the kitchen where Mama and Mr. Griffin must be eating supper. I stood at the edge of the woods and watched the lighted window, and I watched the stars get brighter in the wide sky over the house. It was scary to be outside.
    When the light in the kitchen disappeared I knew Mama and Mr. Griffin had gone to the parlor. Mr. Griffin would smoke his pipe and have a glass of sweetened rum, and Mama would sew. I shivered in the chilly air and crossed the yard to the woodpile.
    The ax we used to chop wood and split kindling and kill chickens was stuck in the chopping block. I worked the ax loose and rested the head on the ground while holding the handle. I waited in the cold air.
    Before he went to bed, Mr. Griffin would come out