were to do it.
Drawing her eyes away from him, she toyed with a breadstick as they waited in silence for the main courses to arrive. This was bad. This was a bad date.
She
was a bad date. How had she spent hours with this man, making love as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and now she was struggling to make small talk?
‘Is everything okay?’ Leo asked.
So her complete state of panic hadn’t gone entirely unnoticed. Well, the worried glances he’d been throwing at her for the past fifteen minutes should have been her first clue. She’d chosen to studiously ignore them, worried that acknowledging them would lead to talking about what was wrong. But still, she was surprised by the serious note to his voice, feeling his concern, the connection between them, all the way to her core. She remembered the way she had felt that morning at the railway station, watching his train pull away from the platform and knowing that however much she felt for him, she’d missed any opportunity to explore it. And then he’d waltzed back into her life on the day when exploring any connection between them seemed more impossible than ever.
She had to tell him, and now was as good a time as any. Actually, no, that wasn’t true. Now was the best chance she was going to get. She took a long, fortifying sip of her mineral water, wishing it could have been an ice-cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc, and opened her mouth to speak.
‘Leo, there’s something—’
‘Here we go—two
tagliatelle al ragu
? Would you like parmesan? Black pepper?’
She hid her frustration behind a smile as the waiter bustled and chatted at them good-naturedly. And then watched his retreating back in panic, flailing.
‘You were—’
‘I’m pregnant.’
She blurted the words out before Leo could finish his sentence, and instantly regretted it as Leo snorted his red wine.
‘Pregnant?’
‘Keep your voice down,’ she hissed, hoping that Will hadn’t told anyone else at the office about this place.
‘How can you be— I thought you were going to— What does—
Pregnant?
’ She waited out his rambling until he could form a complete sentence. ‘It’s not even been that long,’ he said. ‘Only a few weeks. Can you even be sure? I mean, how do these things work?’
‘It’s been seven weeks. I’m late, I took a test, it was positive,’ she said, trying to keep her temper, trying to remember that she’d not exactly been level-headed when she first found out, either. She couldn’t be disappointed that he’d not taken it well—she’d not expected beaming smiles. But perhaps some tiny part of her had hoped for something...more. More than this obvious horror.
‘Did you take the morning-after pill?’
‘Does it matter? I’m pregnant.’
He leaned back in his chair and she tried to remind herself that actually, yes, it wasn’t such an unreasonable question. After the condom fail, the contraceptive ball had been entirely in her court—there was nothing he could have done.
She softened her voice. ‘Yes. I took it that morning, about half an hour after your train left. I followed the instructions and did everything right. But it’s not a hundred per cent effective.’ She gave him a minute to absorb this, but then found she didn’t have anything else to say. She just waited for him to process.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked eventually, and she cracked a tiny smile, touched at the softness in his voice. She remembered it from that night.
‘I’m still trying to take it in,’ she said honestly.
‘When did you find out?’
She checked her watch. ‘A couple of hours ago. Right before—’
‘Right before I surprised you at the coffee machine. Jeez, no wonder you were a mess.’
‘A mess?’
‘You know, all...’ He waved a hand in the air, and she told herself it was probably better to be charitable and not to try and translate it.
‘Have you thought about...?’ From the careful way he spoke the words, and wouldn’t